A Heart's Woes
by DrunkOnJerichohol
Summary: With the blessed arrival of their infant son and the opposition found in making the switch to a new life as husband and wife, the sanctity of Chris's and Stephanie's union hangs in the balance. They are left clinging to the belief that love conquers all, and they accept the challenge of converting that simple saying into honest words to live by. (Sequel to 'A Soul's Companion')
1. All in the Family

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any and all original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

A/N: Song lyrics used within this chapter belong to Amy Grant. The song is entitled _That's What Love Is For_. Thanks for sticking by the first part of this story and for taking the time to read this sequel. I hope you like what I came up with.

* * *

"If any person can show just cause that these two should not be joined here today, speak now or forever hold your peace..."

An exigent wail pierced the stagnant Cancún air and interrupted their appointed minister, overpowering the distant, but constant, hum of waves lapping eagerly at the shoreline. _Renner_. Stephanie peeled her doting gaze away from Chris's, but not without a few seconds of hesitation, as neither of them had eyes for anyone but each other. Or, in this case, they didn't have eyes for anyone besides each other and their two-and-a-half-month-old son, who was tucked away safely in Linda's arms. As with all babies, his moods were fickle and wouldn't deviate from that norm simply because his parents were in the middle of getting married.

A low tremor of laughter, vibrating like the aftershock of an earthquake, settled in the space around their seated guests and met Chris and Stephanie at the altar, a curving, wooden structure standing tall above their heads and drowning in a sea of pink, peach, and white peonies, which covered the length of the formation. Stephanie released one of Chris's hands only for a second, swiping it over her forehead as she let out a soft groan. "Oh, Renner, did you really have to pick _now_ to cry?"

Stephanie signaled to Linda and pointed at herself, as if to ask whether or not she was needed for baby damage control. Linda shook her head and waved her off, standing with her cranky grandson in her arms and strolling into the distance, bouncing him as she roamed the open sand along the beach. Anything to bring an end to his fussing. Many of their guests had turned around in their seats, distracted by Renner's sudden outburst, but the minister was kind enough to wait until he had regained everyone's attention to continue with the proceedings.

"I believe we can overlook that slight objection, just this once," he smiled. When the resulting laughter died down, he continued. "Stephanie, will you take this man to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love, comfort, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," she stated firmly, gaze unwavering. She smiled at Chris, watching him through a wall of unshed tears that had formed in a matter of seconds, and he winked, an action imperceptible to everyone besides her. Their lawful union had been official for months, but that didn't make the events of the day any less special.

"Chris," he began, "will you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love, comfort, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," Chris said, giving Stephanie's hands a firm squeeze. Their vows were next to come and had been a subject Stephanie discussed with Chris multiple times before that balmy July day, as they stood with hands clasped. Chris had entertained the idea of writing their own personal vows, thinking of it as a therapeutic project, the same way writing song lyrics was for him. Stephanie, however, was attached to the customary wedding vows most had come to know, and she managed to talk Chris into sticking with tradition.

"As we move forward to the vows, I will ask each of you to repeat after me," the minister requested. They nodded their understanding, and Stephanie sneaked a glance in the direction she had last seen Linda walking, finding that she had returned to her seat with Renner. The brief storm had calmed. With a nod to Stephanie, he began with her. "I, Stephanie, take you, Chris, to be my husband," he said, allowing Stephanie the opportunity to repeat the words aloud. He waited until she was finished to relay the next set of words, stopping each time so she had a chance to say them. "To have and to hold, from this day forward." _Pause._ "For better or for worse." _Pause._ "In sickness and in health; to love and to cherish." _Pause. _"From this day forward, until death do us part."

When Stephanie successfully recited her vows, Chris took his turn at delivering his own, trying in vain to keep the shakiness out of his tone. A part of him was more nervous than he had been when he exchanged his legally-recognized vows with Stephanie at the courthouse in Florida, but he had to remind himself they hadn't had an audience then. It had been only the two of them, three if they counted an unborn Renner, and they had been lost in their own little worlds, just two fools in love. Now he had a son, whose murmurs could be heard across the way every so often, and he had a woman standing before him who he had supported through the most painful, exhilarating, maddening experience of her life, all in the name of welcoming their first child and becoming a real family.

To say he loved her was grossly inaccurate, because love was a word that sorely lacked the depths of what he felt inside. How could a four-letter word be enough to encompass the livening jolt that shot through his heart every time he put a smile on her face, or the flutters that still formed in his stomach when he kissed her lips or held her close? Chris spoke the phrase '_I love you_' because it was universally understood and Stephanie could grasp the gist of what he was getting at whenever he told her those words, but, in fact, they didn't even skim the surface of an accurate representation of how alive she made him feel. A knot formed in his throat and accompanied him the entire way through his vows. He resisted the urge to lean forward and kiss Stephanie when he finished, a brutal exercise in self-control.

"It is now time for the exchanging of rings," their officiant directed.

Ted, acting as Chris's best man, presented the rings to the minister. Rather than buying new jewelry, Chris and Stephanie had simply taken their actual wedding rings off so they could present them to one another for a second time. Stephanie turned her head while Ted handed the rings off, smiling softly at her bridesmaids, all lined up in a row behind her. The maize-colored, strapless gowns she had chosen for the women were set on fire and almost glowing under the bold sun's rays. When her dancing eyes met Trish's equally bright ones, she playfully puckered her lips, as if sending Stephanie an encouraging, sisterly kiss from afar.

Chris was first to receive Stephanie's ring, and he held it in his hand, waiting for the instructions that came soon thereafter. "Chris, will you take this ring and place it upon Stephanie's finger and, as you do, repeat after me." Chris brought the ring to the tip of Stephanie's finger, pausing for direction. The minister continued, "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed," Chris said, slipping the ring all the way onto Stephanie's finger. He raised her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to it. Then it was Stephanie's turn, and she returned the gesture, replacing Chris's ring on his finger after saying the proper words. They clasped hands once more while the minister made what was to be one of his final announcements of the ceremony.

He spoke, "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife," he smiled, addressing only Chris this time. "You may kiss your bride." Chris brought both of his hands down on Stephanie's cheeks and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her closer amidst the animated cheers and claps of their friends and family. He hadn't thought it possible, but marrying Stephanie for the second time, albeit an unofficial wedding where their home country was concerned, proved to be even better than the first time. A second round of whistles and hoots rang out when Chris held Stephanie in their kiss a little longer than normal, and when they finally parted and turned towards everyone, the officiant's final words were spoken. "Ladies and gentleman, I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Irvine."

Chris covered Stephanie's hand with his own and led her down the flower-littered aisle.

While the happy couple were whisked away to their luxury hotel's banquet room for the start of the wedding reception, their families followed close behind. Linda was in charge of placing the guests in proper order so they could enter the banquet room and be seated in their designated spots. She handed Renner off to Vince so she could complete the tasks that had been assigned to her, and the normally unreadable expression Vince wore melted right away. He bounced Renner in his arms, talking steadily to him and smiling each time he was able to make his grandson laugh, considering it a genuine accomplishment.

Chris hurried back up to the hotel suite he had prepared for the wedding in earlier that day, and Stephanie, likewise, returned to her separate room with Marissa, who helped to remove her wedding dress. The thought to be modest had occurred to Stephanie when picking out a dress for the reception, but being only a couple of months removed from Renner's birth and having lost a significant amount of weight with Chris's help, she needed that extra boost that would push her over the precipice and back into sexy mode again. That was why she had settled on a beaded, white lace gown that fell softly over her feet and bore a strapless style on top. A satin belt secured around her midsection added a look of completion to her appearance, outdone only by the timeless feel of her white lace, fingerless gloves, bearing a classic, ripple design near the oval of her wrist.

Her hair had been thoroughly curled for the wedding and was maintaining the style well with the help of a generous amount of hairspray, so she perched on the bed long enough for Marissa to pull her coiled locks into a neat, low ponytail, creating a clean finish. She was polished, mature, glowing, and everything she had always hoped to be as a bride. Her professional makeup job had significant staying power, and all she had to do was slick a tube of soft pink lipstick over her lips before she was ready to go. Not only was she anxious to return to Chris, but she felt as if she hadn't held Renner in ages, although, in actuality, it hadn't been more than a little over an hour. When she was satisfied with her appearance, Stephanie started for the door, but Marissa jogged back to the nightstand, calling after her.

"You wanted to switch earrings, right?"

"Oh! Thank you _so_ much," Stephanie heaved a sigh of relief and brought a hand to her chest. "I would have completely forgotten those, and Mom would have been really disappointed. She wanted me to wear these more than anything."

"Lucky we remembered then," Marissa winked, walking the jewelry over to her. In an enclosed case, its glass edges forming the shape of a heart, rested a pair of diamond drop earrings that had been in the Edwards family since Stephanie's maternal grandmother got married. Linda had made her promise she would wear them at her reception to carry on the tradition, just as Linda had during her own marriage to Vince. As she slipped them into her ear piercings, Stephanie couldn't help but wonder what it might be like to hand them off to a daughter of her own someday, but the arrival of more children would come in due time.

In a show of either expert planning or fortunate timing, Marissa led Stephanie down to the banquet room just in time to be announced to their awaiting guests. Chris was already waiting for her near the set of double doors, wearing a formally-tailored black suit, which was a step up from the collared shirt and slacks he had donned outdoors for their wedding. He brushed Stephanie's cheek with the palm of his hand and pressed a light kiss to Marissa's cheek, thanking her for all of her help before she entered the room ahead of them. Stephanie's eyes brimmed with excitement, but there was a hint of anxiety pressing forth in her gaze as she bit her bottom lip. Chris moved his hand to her chin, tugging down on it until she released her unfortunate lip from the tough and unforgiving bite of her teeth.

Reading her mind, he said, "Renn's fine, babe. I peeked inside earlier, and he's back with your mom. She took him from Vince after she got everyone seated, but you should have seen him with your dad. Vince really is good with the kid."

"I'm not surprised," she shrugged. "He was a great dad to me, so I always knew he would be great with Renner." Her hands fell to rest on Chris's broad chest, and she walked her fingers up to his neck, where she adjusted his tie and leaned in for a kiss. She grazed his bottom lip with her teeth and pulled away entirely, smirking. "By the way, you've looked exceptionally handsome all day. Just wait until I dig my claws into you tonight."

He wore a matching smirk as he brushed her hair down at the crown of her head. "You're looking really delicious yourself." His eyes trailed over the length of her body and, for a brief moment, they glazed over with a raw hunger that convinced her Chris was going to drag her off to the nearest deserted corner and have his way with her. Passion took over lust, and he returned to her face, pressing the tip of his nose against the side of her cheek as he whispered in her ear, "I can't put into words how happy I am that you married me. Between our wedding and giving birth to Renner, you've made me the happiest man alive."

"Honey..." her eyes glazed over, and she reeled him in for another hug, covering the side of his neck in a torrential downpour of gentle nips. She curled her hand around the back of his head, scratching the hair at the base of his neck. "You've made me way happier than I could ever put into words. We've come so far after the past year that we had, and we're nearing one year to the date that I first told you I was pregnant. If you would have come to me at this time last year and told me we would be married by now, I never would have believed it. Thank you for seeing the good in me again, even after all we went through."

"I hate it when you thank me," he said, marking his words with a smile.

"Why?"

"I just do," Chris said. "You don't need to thank me for anything. I told you before, this is what a man does for the people he loves. I hope you can start remembering that. I do what I do because you and Renner are the two best things that ever happened to me."

"So sweet," she complimented, patting his cheek. As an afterthought, she held up her left hand, flashing her wedding ring. "You know what this ring represents, right? You're never, ever allowed to leave me now that you put a ring on it. I won't let you get away, not even if I have to hunt you down myself."

"I wouldn't want to get away," he replied. Slipping both arms around her waist, Chris pulled her close, resting his lips against hers as they stared into one another's eyes, nearly going cross-eyed from standing so close together. The distinct sound of the microphone being patted by the DJ's hand silenced all excess chatter inside the banquet room, and Chris and Stephanie remained in their embrace until they heard their names announced, which came along after he lightened the crowd with a few jokes, some of them corny but still earning laughs.

"All right, let's kick this party off," the DJ, a young man in a fedora hat and checkered shirt, began. "Ladies and gentleman, I would like to reintroduce you to the man and woman of the hour. Please give a warm and hearty welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Irvine!"

Stephanie entered through the doors hand-in-hand with Chris, met with a raving round of cheers, whistles, and applause. All nerves had fizzled out, and their DJ was partly to thank for that, having been directed to keep the vibe lighthearted. There was no real script for him to follow, which allowed for his own creative juices to flow as he conducted the event the way he saw fit, within a few restrictive guidelines, of course. One of the only requests they had made of him was to announce everything in a particular order, and he had been supplied a list of events to touch on, including, but not limited to, each of the dances that were to follow Chris's and Stephanie's initial couples' dance.

Stephanie caught sight of Renner in Linda's arms and blew him a kiss, but her efforts went unnoticed, as Renner's eyes flitted from one end of the room to the other, looking everywhere _except_ at her. It came as a surprise to Stephanie that he was still awake, but he would likely be nodding off against her mother's shoulder very soon. Her gaze lingered on him a little too long, only breaking away when Chris gave her hand a gentle squeeze and led her onto the dance floor. Their first dance as man and wife would kick off the festivities, and Chris was eager to get it underway.

Dancing in a formal setting with Stephanie carried along with it tender memories of the night they had gotten engaged and danced together on the wooden dance floor he had paid to have installed in his backyard. While they waited for the music to begin, Chris slipped his hands onto Stephanie's hips and rested them there, touching his forehead down on hers. A murmur of '_aww's_' rippled through the room, along with the erratic flashes of cameras going off to capture the moment, but this was one time when they didn't mind a rather private gesture being seen by all of their family and friends. Chris had no issue with putting his love for Stephanie on full display and was also particularly eager to dance because Stephanie had chosen a song that held a deeper meaning for her, and, in turn, for him.

"Please," she breathed airily against his lips, "remember why we chose this song. If you walk away with nothing else after this dance, just hold onto the meaning behind the song and what it represents for us as a couple." Chris opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by the opening chords of the selected tune. He slid his arms around her waist, and Stephanie moved hers upward, encircling his neck. She traded in their touching foreheads, instead placing her temple down on his shoulder and closing her eyes as they swayed to the touching music, lost in their own little words; lost in each other.

_Sometimes we make it harder than it is, we'll take a perfect night_

_And fill it up with words we don't mean, dark sides best unseen_

_And we wonder why we're feeling this way_

**. .**

_Sometimes I wonder if we really feel the same, why we can be unkind_

_Questioning the strongest of hearts, that's when we must start_

_Believing in the one thing that has gotten us this far_

**. .**

_That's what love is for, to help us through it_

_That's what love is for, nothing else can do it_

_Melt our defenses, bring us back to our senses, give us strength to try once more_

_Baby, that's what love is for_

**. .**

_Sometimes I see you, and you don't know I am there_

_And I'm washed away, by emotions I hold deep down inside_

_Getting stronger with time, it's living through the fire and holding on we find_

**. .**

_That's what love is for, to help us through it_

_That's what love is for, nothing else can do it_

_Melt our defenses, bring us back to our senses, give us strength to try once more_

_Baby, that's what love is for_

**. .**

_Believing in the one thing that has gotten us this far_

_That's what love is for, to help us through it_

_That's what love is for, nothing else can do it_

_Round off the edges, talk us down from the ledges, give us strength to try once more_

_Baby, that's what love is for_

**. .**

_That's what love is for, that's what love is for_

_Melt our defenses, bring us back to our senses, give us strength to try once more_

_Baby, that's what love is for_

Stephanie held Chris in her arms long after the song's final notes faded into the background. Her eyes remained closed as she nestled her head against his chest. Chris was fine with spending the extra time with her so she could come down from the high, and he rested his chin on the crown of her head, stroking her hair while they stood in silence. They parted only when small clusters of their friends crowded onto the floor to grab them, and the happy couple sneaked in a quick kiss before the sea was parted and they were led in two entirely different directions.

Stephanie huddled up with her loved ones; Trish, Linda, Marissa, Lindsey, and a number of childhood friends who had flown down for the wedding. Chris, likewise, stood in the center of a circle of his closest confidantes; Rich, Billy, Paul, Frank, Ted, Vince, and a couple of his cousins from Winnipeg. There were a large amount of their mutual friends from work in attendance: John Cena, Randy Orton, Adam, and Jay, to name a few. Even amidst the complimentary remarks about their luxurious destination wedding and the congratulatory hugs, Stephanie still managed to sidle up to Linda's side, and she pulled a sleeping Renner into her arms, ever the doting new mother.

His crafty tuxedo, complete with a yellow bow-tie meant to match the wedding colors Stephanie and Linda chose, had been a major hit, and Chris had done it all on his own. He had put in the time and effort to have the outfit made and, though not quite as flashy as the light-up jacket he walked down the ramp with in the WWE, the eye-catching colors were more than enough to make Renner stand out amongst the group. Stephanie brushed her hand in a continuous motion over the top of Renner's soft, brown hair, smiling at multiple conversations going on around her to blend in, but her focus was elsewhere. Her attention shifted across the room to Chris, just as he tossed his head back with uproarious laughter in response to something Rich had whispered to him.

"Are you even listening, Steph?" Trish's voice pulled her out of the haze of distraction.

"Sorry," she shook her head free of her intrusive thoughts, "what?"

"We were asking what comes next for you, Chris, and Renner," she reiterated as all the girls stood around watching her. "What are you guys doing with the rest of your summer?"

"Some of you know this already, but for those of you who I haven't gotten a chance to tell, Chris has an overseas tour with Fozzy that starts next month," she explained. "He'll be gone for two weeks, and when he comes back, he has a pretty big US tour the following month. That's the one Renner and I are going to join him on. We're making it a family affair and traveling on his tour bus. It'll be fun, and I'll have a little break from work, so I'm looking forward to it."

Trish's fingertips grazed Stephanie's forearm, and she tilted her head, eyes softening immensely. She asked a question Stephanie hadn't seen coming, but she understood why, as her best friend, Trish would feel the need to get verbal confirmation. "Are you happy, Steph?"

An involuntary smile quirked her lips out at the corners. Stephanie shifted her head downward, breathing in Renner's fresh scent and pressing a kiss to his light smattering of hair. Next, she glanced across the room at Chris, who was still engaged in animated conversation, and her entire being warmed. In her family, she found wholeness and knew what it meant to truly be alive. Her primary roles were no longer defined by her designated place in life as a daughter, sister, or girlfriend. At the root of who she was, those titles would remain but were replaced by three much bigger ones; wife, mother, and aunt. When Stephanie caught Trish's eyes again, the answer to her question already showed loud and clear on Stephanie's face, but she said it aloud for good measure.

"No, I'm not. Happiness isn't a big enough word."


	2. A Crisis in Self-Esteem

A/N: As always, I love your feedback, so thanks for leaving me some. I'm thrilled so many of you cared enough about this story to keep reading. It encourages me to write more often, and with any luck, you will like what I came up with for this chapter!

* * *

"Look at all those waves!" Stephanie beamed, clapping her hands as she spied Renner down below. "That's a lot of water, isn't it, baby?"

"It sure is. Oh, wait, you were talking to our kid," Chris joked.

She pressed her lips into a crooked line and tilted her head, and Chris supplied one of his winning smiles, always the joker of the family. In light of their final week as a complete, familial unit before Chris was scheduled to leave for Denmark to kick off his Fozzy tour, Vince had offered Stephanie the week off from work. She had been noticeably absent at the Raw and Smackdown shows — on Monday and Tuesday, respectively — and when Wednesday morning arrived, she and Chris loaded up the car and headed to Winter Haven, Florida, with Renner in tow. After plenty of inquisitive internet searches, Stephanie had stumbled across a website advertising the Legoland water park, and she asked Chris if they could bring Renner there for one of their last family outings before he would leave them behind for 14 days of life on the road.

His two-week, overseas tour would be the first extensive stretch of time he would spend away from Stephanie, and Renner since his birth, and she anticipated an emotional farewell come Saturday, when his flight was set to take off. They had all blossomed into a family as a cohesive trio, like a patch of flowers planted side by side in a single garden, and anytime one of them was removed from the equation, life became a struggle. Chris didn't want to be away from them any more than they wanted to see him go, but his personal dreams and those of his bandmates hadn't yet come to fruition, and Stephanie was unwilling to turn into the wife who forced her husband to bury his dreams all in the name of family. There was a method to maintaining a healthy balance, which allowed for each of them to express their individuality while still upholding their wedding vows and parenting their son.

The height of the water in the shallow end of the wave pool was slightly beyond three feet, so Chris sat in what basically amounted to an oversized puddle for him and held Renner close to his chest, not wanting him to be overwhelmed by the rippling tide sweeping in. While the water was tame in the eyes of an adult, Chris could easily see how a baby as young as Renner might feel panicked if not properly cared for during his time in the pool. Stephanie's heart melted like butter in a pan as she stood in the ankle-deep water, bringing a hand to her chest when Chris kissed Renner's head, and then each of his chubby cheeks. She couldn't contain her smile.

"So sweet. Do you love Daddy, Renn? Yeah, you love Daddy bunches," Stephanie gushed.

Renner chose that exact moment to squeal and slap his hands together, in what appeared to be a clumsy attempt at a clap, prompting a laugh from Chris. "I guess that was his way of saying he _does_ love me?"

"Of course he does. He adores you," she said, thinking back to the night before.

Stephanie had placed Renner down in his co-sleeper after nursing him just before bedtime, but he was having none of it. After spitting his pacifier out for a third time and wailing his discontent, Chris had picked him up, bringing Renner to his side of the bed and laying him down in the spot he normally occupied. He tried tickling Renner's stomach and rubbing the top of his head, both to no avail, but when he lowered his voice and broke into a soft rendition of Fozzy's _Inside My Head_, all tears had ceased and been replaced with light gurgling. Stephanie then slipped her hand over Renner's stomach and rubbed tender ovals into his skin while Renner gazed up at Chris in silence, admiring his father's pleasant crooning, until his eyelids grew heavy with sleep and he drifted away.

"Uh-oh, here come a bunch of waves, squirt," Chris noted. He held Renner close, bringing the baby's head down gently on his shoulder and holding a hand up to Renner's face to shield him from the backwash of waves as they crashed in. They fizzled out without making a real splash, and Chris laughed at his unnecessary concern, lowering Renner back into his lap. "False alarm."

Stephanie raised her digital camera, zooming into focus and snapping a shot of Renner in Chris's arms, each of them in similar swimming trunks that bore the classic _F_ for Fozzy. Their latest outdoor attire was custom-made; a request Chris had fired off to the production company in charge of his band's merchandise, shortly after Renner was born. The matching swimwear added a nice touch and also made their link as father and son unmistakable to anyone who saw them together. When Chris perched his chin on the crown of Renner's head, the baby reached his tiny hand upward and blindly patted Chris's cheek, another loving moment Stephanie captured on camera. She studied each of the snapshots on her phone, smiling as she reviewed the photos, already planning on sending them to her family the second she returned to her laptop computer and was able to upload the images.

"You're the cutest father in the world," Stephanie praised, brushing a hand over Chris's hair. "I can't believe you ever doubted yourself."

"It's not hard to be good at parenting when we've got such a great kid to take care of," Chris said, bouncing Renner on his lap and kicking up water in the process, an act which made Renner whoop with joy. "Yeah, I know you love the water," he told him, looking up at Stephanie. "We've got a total water baby on our hands. He'll be an Olympic swimmer or something, just watch."

"I don't mind what he does, as long as he loves it," she said. The distinct jingle of her phone's ring sliced through the warm, summer air, and she held it up, signaling to Chris that she was going to step away for a moment. He nodded and returned to playing with Renner while she shoved her digital camera into the tote bag she had brought along, which held all of the baby's supplies. She answered her incoming call on the third ring, after checking the phone's display to identify the caller. "Hi, Mama."

"Hi, precious," Linda answered. "How's my sweet baby boy?"

"He's having a lot of fun. We brought him to the Legoland water park, since we came to visit Chris's house in Florida, and he's in the shallow end of the wave pool with Chris right now. He's been kicking his legs and slapping the water with his hands," she smiled. "It's the cutest thing, and Chris is so good with him."

"I never doubted he would be. He's really coming into his role as a father, isn't he?"

"Yeah. They both make me so happy," she said, sneaking a glance back and finding Chris carrying Renner toward a narrow, yellow slide. "I'm honestly happier than I've ever been before. I think it's the perfect combination of being married to the man of my dreams and having a baby with him. I love life right now."

"Good, I'm glad. All I want is for you to be happy in whatever you do."

"I never knew fairytale lives like this existed until I finally got one," Stephanie said. "It's funny, because Renner hasn't even really slept in his nursery since we brought him home from the hospital, aside from a few naps in there. He sleeps with me and Chris in our bedroom, and Chris sings him to sleep at night if he's fussy, and sometimes even when he's not. We lay Renner between us and get him to sleep, and then I move him into his co-sleeper, and Chris and I watch TV and talk until we both get tired and fall asleep. All three of us are together every single night, and I love it. This is the stuff dreams are made of."

"It's so good to hear you this happy," Linda replied. "This was all I ever wanted for you. Now that you're married and you've got your baby, life feels complete, doesn't it?"

"More than I can even explain to you."

"That's exactly how I felt when I married your father and had Shane. Then I started wanting another child, and when I got pregnant with you and found out I was having a girl, I was so far gone. I went out and bought you every pink outfit I could find in the infant section of every store."

"I did the same thing with Renner, except with blue clothes instead of pink," she laughed. "I'm really happy, Mom. I just want you to know that so you don't worry about me the way you used to. Everything is perfect."

"That's what I like to hear," she said, and Stephanie could almost see her mother's smile through the phone. "How long are you in Florida for?"

"We're just here for today," Stephanie answered. "We stayed at the house in Tampa last night and got up this morning to drive to Winter Haven. When we finish up here today, we're flying back home, and Ted is coming down from Winnipeg. He's going to stay with me and Renner for a few days while Chris is gone on his tour. I think he took pity on me because he knew I'd be home alone for a full two weeks with the baby."

"You're never alone. Your father and I will definitely be over while Chris is gone. We're always here to help when you need us."

"I know, but this is going to work out well. Ted hasn't really seen much of Renner since he came to visit him at the hospital, when he was first born," she pointed out. "I figured this would give him more time to bond with his grandson. You and Daddy have so much access to Renner because we live nearby, but Ted doesn't have that, and I don't ever want him to feel left out or like he's not getting a fair chance at being a grandpa. I'm sure he wants to be as close to the baby as he can."

"Well, I'll come over while he's there. It'll be nice to see him," Linda said.

"Yeah, you guys always get along great."

"I'm glad you've got your plans established for the next couple of weeks. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was going well."

"It is," Stephanie replied, her smile faltering when her ears caught Renner's distinct cry, a sound she had become well-accustomed to over the past few months. She squinted in Renner's direction, watching as Chris bounced him in his arms and tried to shush his sobs. "Oh, Mom, I'm really sorry to cut this talk short, but the baby's crying. I have to go see what's wrong."

"That's okay. I'll talk to you soon," she said. "Call me whenever you need me."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you, too. Kiss Chris and Renner for me. Bye, sweetheart."

Before she even had a chance to officially end her call, Stephanie was rushing off toward Chris and Renner. She didn't like to swoop in without giving Chris a fair chance to calm him, mostly because she didn't want to give Chris the wrong impression and make him think she didn't believe in his abilities to handle their son. Her eager nature was simply the inherent mother inside of her, seeing a bad situation and wanting to make it better and replace the smile on her son's face. She shoved her phone into the tote bag hanging from her shoulder, right beside her camera, and she handed the bag off to Chris, which he took possession of while trading her for the baby.

With Renner tucked away in her arms, Stephanie was able to properly assess the situation and distinguish what type of cry he was giving. She knew all too well what he needed, solely from the volume of his wails. Taking a seat on a nearby bench, she lowered his swimming trunks and peeled the edge of his diaper away from his skin, catching a lovely whiff of the present he had left for her inside. "We've got a very dirty diaper on our hands."

"You want me to change him?" Chris offered.

"I'll do it. I think the women's restroom will be the only one with a changing table, otherwise I would tell you to go for it," she laughed. "Give us a sec?"

"Of course. I'll walk you over," Chris said, repositioning the strap of Stephanie's tote bag on his shoulder. He slipped his hand onto the small of her back and led her to the nearby restrooms, waiting right outside the door as she tended to Renner.

What a difference a baby made.

Within the span of two hours, the Irvine family had retreated to their hotel suite for the evening, Chris lying in bed while he watched Stephanie nurse Renner, across the room. She rubbed his fuzzy hair with her free hand, dipping down to kiss his forehead every so often. Renner blinked slowly as he locked eyes with Stephanie, exhausted by the events of the day, and a lazy smile spread across her face as she gazed down at him in admiration. Each day spent with Renner was a gift, and, although he had only officially been in her life for the past three months, Stephanie found it difficult to remember a life devoid of him.

"I bet he'll sleep well tonight," Chris said, from where he was sprawled out on top of the bedsheets. The hotel's amenities had included the option for a portable crib, and Chris and Stephanie jumped all over the offer. The bed was large, but neither of them wanted to risk rolling over on Renner over the course of the night, and they felt more secure placing him in his own crib, so he would have his own space to sleep. The crib was similar to Renner's co-sleeper at home, which he had grown quite accustomed to spending his nights in, so they hoped and anticipated the slight transition would be an easy one.

"Yeah, I think we tired him out," Stephanie said, pausing for a long yawn. "Maybe we tired _ourselves_ out, too."

"I'll say," he laughed, scratching his upper thigh, right where the thin material of his boxer shorts rested against his leg. "It was fun, though. I'm really glad I got the extra time with my beautiful woman and my little man."

Stephanie puckered her lips, sending him a kiss from across the room. "We loved spending the day with you too, honey."

"It's going to be so hard to leave you guys this weekend. I don't even know how I'll get to sleep on the tour bus every night, now that I'm so used to falling asleep with you and Renner. I'll be lost without you."

"We'll miss you, too, but it's like I told you before, you can't give up your dreams just because we have a child now," she reminded him. "I went back to work after I had Renner, because there's nothing else I've ever wanted to do besides work for my family and help to build our brand. I love what I do, and I'm sure you feel the same about wrestling and playing in your band, so I would never want you to give either of them up. I'm sure Renn wouldn't, either. He'll be so proud when he gets older and you're able to tell him about everything you've accomplished."

"I hope he does end up being proud of me," Chris sighed. "All I would want to be remembered for in this life is being a great father and husband. Nothing else really matters."

"You _will_ be remembered for all of those things. Just you wait and see," she responded. Renner finished up with the final bits of his evening meal and unlatched himself from Stephanie, glancing curiously around the room while she replaced her bra and pulled her shirt back down. "Do you want to burp him?"

"Yeah, bring him here," Chris held his arms out, and Stephanie brought Renner to the bed, placing him in Chris's awaiting hold. She slipped around to her side of the bed and crawled underneath the covers as she watched Chris sit up straighter, his back settled against the headboard. He positioned Renner's head on his right shoulder and began patting his back, rubbing it intermittently, while he worked to get a burp out of him. "Let's see if we can get a good one tonight."

"He always has loud burps," Stephanie giggled. Renner's head was turned in her direction, and she ran her finger down the bridge of his nose as he watched her through a pair of sleepy eyes. Her purse sat on the table beside the bed, and Stephanie fished her cell phone out and selected the camera option, holding the phone up and capturing a shot of Renner, shielded safely in Chris's enclosed arms. She chose multiple recipients for the picture text, sending it out to Vince and Linda, Paul and Trish, and Shane and Marissa. "Wait until everyone sees how cute you are with Daddy, Renn. They'll just want to eat you up."

Sure enough, her phone dinged with a new text message about a minute later, and Chris smirked as he continued patting Renner's back. "Who is it?"

"Uh..." Stephanie paused, checking her phone, "it's Trish. She says Renn is too cute and that she misses all of us. I miss her too, a lot. We don't hang out like we used to, and sometimes it really bothers me."

"Life's different now than it was when we were all on Raw in the early 2000s and, chances are, you're not ever going to be hanging out with Trish as often as you did then," Chris pointed out. "We always went out and partied, but none of us had kids, or bands, or yoga studios, or any of the important stuff we have now. I know you want that back, but it's over."

"That's sad."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. Not that I would ever want to be without Renner, but I wish I could just relive a single night of us going out after a show. We had so much fun back then and, now, everything is just...different," Stephanie said, dropping her phone into her lap as her eyes took on a heavy, reminiscent look. "Even if Trish were to come visit me right now, nothing would be the same. Life is good, I mean, I was just telling Mom earlier today how perfect things are and how much I love having my own family, but..."

"It's okay, babe," Chris reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear, swishing his thumb across her cheek. "It's normal to feel the way you do. You can be content in your current life and still be sad about things from the past that you miss. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do."

"How do I make it go away?" she asked, turning to him with a wide set of eyes that illustrated her descent into uncertainty. "How can I fix it?"

Chris tipped his head, waiting a few seconds before opening his arm to her, "Come here," he said. Stephanie leaned into his touch, and he continued patting Renner's back with his other hand, in silence. When Renner began to doze off on Chris's shoulder, Stephanie leaned forward and kissed his cheek, wishing him a good night, as she ran her fingertips through his hair. Chris whispered, "Is he sleeping?"

"Almost."

A burp sounded from Renner's throat seconds later, and Chris pulled him into a basic cradle, kissing the top of his head as he left the comfort of their bed and placed him inside the portable crib, which was positioned only a few feet away. He spread a thick blanket, sprinkled with images of brown bears and forest trees, over Renner's tiny form and tucked his stuffed teddy bear in beside him, pressing a kiss to the center of his forehead. "I love you, Renn. Have good dreams."

"Love you, Renn," Stephanie echoed, straining her neck to get a final glimpse of their son before he fell into a much-desired doze. She tipped her head when Chris turned to her with a soft smile. "He's the sweetest little angel, isn't he?"

"He is," he agreed, crawling back into bed beside her. "I don't know if I've ever really said this until now, but thank you for him. I couldn't have had him without you, so, you know, thanks."

"What is it that you always tell me?" she asked. Chris shrugged, unsure of where she was headed. "I think it's something along the lines of reminding me that I don't have to thank you for anything. My answer to you right now is the same; you don't have to thank me. We both had a hand in making our precious boy, and now we get to reap the benefits of such an amazing son. He's the biggest blessing we've ever gotten."

"He really is," Chris agreed, glancing at Renner's crib a final time. He took both of Stephanie's hands in his own, shifting his focus to her. "Now that we've got Renner taken care of, I need to make sure my other baby is okay," he said, puckering his lips and leaning in for a kiss, pulling away with great reluctance. "What's the matter? I know you, and I can always tell when something's up. You had fun today, didn't you?"

"Today was perfect."

"Then talk to me about whatever else is on your mind, because I know there's something."

"I feel guilty for even thinking of being a little sad."

"Why?"

"Because," she said, motioning all around the room, "I have you and a healthy son, and I should be focused on that instead of being sad about other stuff."

"Just because you become a mother doesn't mean you can't ever have bad days or be sad. You're still human, Steph," Chris said, stroking her hair. Stephanie lowered her position on the bed and placed her head in the center of Chris's lap. He leaned over her, pressing an upside-down kiss to her lips, and she reached for his dangling necklace, a golden cross, and held it captive between her forefinger and thumb. "You can tell me anything."

"I know."

"Then talk to me."

"I miss hanging out with Trish, and going out after shows, and the early days of my relationship with you, and hanging out with friends all the time, and being onscreen to play the bad girl every night, and everything. I miss the past, but I love my present, so...I don't make any sense at all, do I?" she peeked up at him through her left eye, pressing the other shut. Chris smiled and shook his head in humor, patting her cheek lightly.

"There's always so much going on inside that pretty little head of yours, isn't there?" he laughed. She gathered his question was rhetorical and didn't offer a response. "I would be honest and tell you if I thought there was anything for you to be worried about, but there isn't. I get this way too sometimes, where I feel like I want to get in a time machine and just go back. Back to a simpler time, I guess."

"Yeah."

"I wish I could make you feel better, but all I can really say is that you have the memories to hold onto. You'll never forget the experiences you've had, so just be proud of the life you've lived. If you miss your days onscreen, we can go back and watch old tapes of your scenes together. If you miss nights that you spent out on the town with me or Trish, we'll talk about what we did and how much fun it was. It's okay to fall back on memories of the past. That's what memories are for and why it's so important to make a bunch of good ones."

Stephanie's cell phone buzzed to life once more, and Chris handed it to her. She whispered a soft word of thanks and checked her latest text message, finding that it was from Linda. She read it first silently, then aloud. "Mom says she loves and misses us and that the picture's adorable."

"That's nice of her."

"Yeah," she placed her phone down on the mattress and sighed.

Chris rubbed her arms from top to bottom. "I have my eye on you all the time, even when you think I'm not watching or paying attention, and I know what spurred this on. Getting that text from Trish set something off inside of you, didn't it?"

"Maybe," she said, smiling when Chris poked her in the side of her abdomen. "Okay, fine, it did. I love that we all have our own families and stuff, but I still want us to find time to hang out together. Trish was one of the best friends I had back then, and I miss her a lot. I miss her more than you probably even realize. I don't really have a lot of girlfriends to lean on when you're gone."

"You have Lindsey, and some of the people you went to high school with."

"But...I don't know, it's just different now."

"Is taking care of Renner making you feel boxed in? Like maybe you no longer have room to be who you want, outside of being his mother?" he asked. She hesitated, pressing her lips together, as if to keep the wrong words from tumbling out. "It's okay if that's how you feel. It doesn't mean you love Renner any less or that you want him any less than you did before. It's probably common for new mothers to have trouble differentiating between who they are, apart from being someone's mom. This whole parenting thing is a huge step to take in life for anybody, and especially when you're new at it."

"I think I just want to sleep," she said softly.

"Are you sure?" Chris frowned. "We can stay up and talk. We can even order junk food from room service and find movies to watch and make fun of."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Stephanie shook her head, flipping around in the opposite direction and pulling the covers up to her chin.

Chris thought to try a different approach, but she seemed tired, and since Renner was sleeping as well, he turned off the bedside lamp and cuddled up behind her, slipping an arm around her waist. His chest began to burn as he held his breath, struggling to remain silent and reel in words unspoken. There was so much Stephanie had told him and so much he wanted to say to wash her pain away, but it threatened to come out all wrong, and the last thing he wanted was to cause an argument right before he left the country. Instead, he leaned forward in the darkness and pressed his lips to the first patch of skin he was able to locate, which just so happened to be the corner of her shoulder. An endless supply of words waited in the wings, only two of which he deemed safe enough to speak aloud.

"Goodnight, beautiful."

"'Night, Chris."


	3. The Mommy Blues

A/N: Thanks for reading, guys. It means a lot.

* * *

Chris crawled onto the bed he shared with Stephanie and plopped down beside her, draping his arm across her back as she remained still, her face buried right into the heart of her pillow. Chris kissed the area of her arm that was exposed, hoping it might encourage her to actually pick her head up and talk to him, but she remained as she was, stoic and unreadable. He leaned in close, whispering, "Steph, we're all going to the zoo now with Renner. You're really not coming with us?"

"I don't feel good," she mumbled into her pillowcase.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sick."

"Can you be a little more specific?" Chris asked. They had only returned from Florida the day before, after spending a fun-filled day with Renner at Legoland, and Stephanie had been out of sorts ever since she had gone to bed early the night of their stay. She was moody and, even worse, beginning to distance herself from Chris, which she never did unless she had a problem she wasn't confident he could fix. "Is it your head, or what?"

"My stomach hurts, I guess."

"You guess?"

"It hurts," she cemented. "I don't want to walk around the zoo today. I just don't feel like it."

"Don't you want to spend time with me and Renner, though? I only have a couple more days left before I have to go, and we both want to be with you. Plus, your parents are downstairs, and they want to see you, too," Chris said. His goal wasn't to guilt-trip her, but he wanted to make their family plans as tempting as possible. He wasn't too proud to grovel a bit, if that might convince her to leave the prison of their bedroom and join in on the family fun. "Please, doll? I'd miss you way too much if you didn't come, and so would Renner. He loves you to pieces."

"I'm just not feeling up to it. Not today."

"I guess I have to respect your wishes, then," Chris sighed. It wasn't like him to give up during battle, no matter how big or small, but Stephanie wasn't budging, and he didn't want to force his hand. They had only just returned from a big trip, and the possibility of her having contracted an illness was a real one. Their meals had all come from various restaurants and fast-food establishments, and it was entirely possible she had eaten some food that hadn't agreed with her stomach. If that was the case, Chris didn't want to add to her stress while under the weather, so he let her be. "I'm sorry you don't feel well."

"It's fine."

"Do you need anything before we all leave? Anything to eat or drink?" he offered. "I can make you some soup and crackers, get a heating pad for your stomach, and grab you some magazines to keep you occupied. Whatever you need, I'll do."

"No, I'm okay."

"You pumped some of your milk and made some bottles for Renn, right? Since you won't be there to feed him, I need to pack a couple bottles in the bag I'm bringing for him."

"They're in the fridge, yeah. Just hold them under warm water to heat them when he's ready to eat."

"All right, then," Chris said, leaning in and kissing the back of her head. "I love you."

"Yeah, love you, too," she muttered.

"Do you mean it?" he asked for confirmation, only half-joking.

"I _do_ mean it," she supplied. "Tell Renn I love him, too, and kiss him on the cheek for me."

"I will," he promised. "Bye, baby. We'll be back soon, and I'll call when we're on our way, to check on you and see if you want us to bring you anything back."

"Great," she said, dry and emotionless.

Chris pushed off of the bed, rising to standing, but he didn't leave right away. Instead, he leaned against the far wall, watching Stephanie's back, her sprawled out frame shifting up and down with each of her breaths. He wanted to supply the magic words that would will her out of bed and make her see how bad it hurt him to think he wouldn't be spending one of his final days in the country with his own wife. He racked his brain for a solution, but when nothing came, Chris crept out of their bedroom, cracking the door just a smidgen. Vince and Linda were waiting downstairs when he returned, each of them playing with Renner on the floor, alternating turns on rolling a soft, red ball to him.

Vince looked up expectantly, scrunching his face when he found Chris alone. "Where's Stephanie?"

"She claims she's sick," Chris shrugged, shoving his hands inside his pockets. "I guess it's just the four of us, if you guys would still want to go."

"I still want to go. I had my heart set on bringing Renner to see all the animals. I know he would just love it," Linda said. Vince wore a frown, still stuck on Chris's words from earlier.

"She only _claims_ she's sick?" Vince remarked. "What do you mean by that? She's either sick, or she's not."

"I know, but I don't think she's feeling that bad, if I'm being honest," he answered. Renner squeezed the ball in his hand, squealing with glee when the toy made a high-pitched squeak in return. He held it up to his face in awe, all the adults laughing at his excitement. Chris knelt down, running his hand over Renner's head. "That's pretty cool, isn't it, squirt? What a neat ball," he said, grinning when Renner's misty blue eyes settled upon him. Chris kissed his forehead, returning to talk of Stephanie. "I get the feeling she's a little down in the dumps, and that's the real reason she doesn't want to go anywhere today."

"What could she possibly have to be upset about?" Vince wondered.

"While we were in Florida, she told me she missed Trish, and I think she's having a rough time making the adjustment from being a single woman to being married and having a son to take care of. It's a lot to take in, and I know this is hard on her, so I try to be as supportive as I can. I just don't know if what I'm doing is enough."

"My poor girl," Linda sympathized, glancing up the very stairs that led to their bedroom. She set her sights on Chris, and he smiled, anticipating her next question. "You don't mind if I go up and talk to her, do you?"

"Of course not," Chris said. "You can probably even get through to her in a way that I can't. She needs her mom right now."

"Give me just one moment, then," Linda said.

She kissed Renner on his head, prompting him to bring his hands up to the same spot, feeling around for what had touched him, and Linda chuckled, reaching for Chris's hand when he offered it. He helped her off of the floor, and she kissed his cheek in appreciation, dusting off the back of her pants and heading upstairs, while Chris took over her spot on the floor and resumed playtime with Renner. When Linda reached the outside of Chris's and Stephanie's bedroom door, she took a tentative pause, pressing her ear to the wood and listening for any signs of movement. She heard nothing and pushed the door all the way open, finding Stephanie lying on her stomach, head nodded off to the side.

Linda stepped around the lower corner of the bed and took a light seat on the edge near Stephanie, brushing her hair away from her face. "Sweetie?" she whispered, taking a closer look and realizing that Stephanie had fallen asleep. Not wanting to wake her, she resigned herself to pressing a soft kiss to Stephanie's temple, smoothing her hair a final time and rising from the bed to make her retreat. She cracked the door just as she had found it and followed the stairs back down to the living area.

It wasn't until nearly two hours after Chris had left the house with Renner and her parents that Stephanie managed to peel herself out of bed, although mostly out of necessity, since her bladder was crying out for relief. After a quick visit to the bathroom, she washed her hands, taking care to avoid the mirror. She didn't want to see her reflection and find that she looked as drastically different as she felt. Somewhere along the way, a transformation had taken place, and not the kind she could easily bounce back from, or settle on a proper resolution to. When crossing back through the bedroom, she stopped in the middle of the oval rug near the edge of the bed, staring blankly around the room.

Her eyes settled on her cell phone, precisely where she had left it on the bedside table, and she shuffled to retrieve it, step after painstaking step. No muscle in her body flexed without crying out in pain, no distance covered without fear racking her brain. Her ability to reason and manage her life, let alone herself, was a cross far too heavy to bear, but she took it on anyway, almost entirely because there was no one left to face the daunting task for her. After a snail-paced shuffle down the stairs, she sighed, pushing her hair away from her face as she dropped onto the couch with a resounding plop. She thought about calling Chris to check on Renner, but knowing he was in good hands moved her right along to her next potential point of contact — Trish.

Lifting her legs onto the couch, Stephanie sank into the cushions, closing her eyes while she waited on Trish to answer. The voice of her best friend was a healing herb, and she smiled involuntarily at Trish's greeting when it came. "Hey! I was literally _just_ thinking about you, Steph. Do we have ESP, or what?"

"I guess so," Stephanie laughed, her voice devoid of all humor, despite her best efforts to sound pleasant. She fought to curve her mouth into a smile, thinking the physical movement might somehow tap her voice into a more cheery tone, but her efforts were unsuccessful, if the silence hanging on the opposite end of the line was any indication. _Be casual_, she maintained, holding out hope she could fake her way through the motions. "So, what's up?"

"_You_ tell me," Trish shot back. "You sound...different."

"I am different. I have a baby and a husband now, so, sure, I'm definitely different."

"Hold on a sec," Trish whispered. Stephanie made out some shuffling sounds on the other end of the line and a few different voices, finally hearing what she assumed to be the closing of a sturdy door, which was probably Trish's attempt at gaining some privacy. "You still there?"

"I'm here," Stephanie said.

"I'm sorry. I'm at Stratusphere, and there's a bunch of people milling around and stuff. I just got finished leading a class, which I don't do all that often anymore, but I thought I'd surprise everyone," she laughed. "Anyway, tell me how you've been. We haven't talked in a while. I want to hear all about Chris and baby Ren-Ren," she said, using her nickname for him. "What's up, chica?"

"Everything's good. Renner's healthy, Chris is great and about to go on tour, and the summer's shaping up pretty much exactly the way we planned. I just wish I lived closer to you, because if I was up in Canada, we could at least meet up today and have coffee, or tea, or whatever it is you drink these days."

"Mm, I like to mix things up in my good ol' NutriBullet with some kale, apples, grapes, pineapple, and the like. Yup, that's pretty much my drink of choice these days," she chuckled. "I can't really get away with all those milkshakes and sodas we used to drink back in the day. Remember how we used to go in convenience stores when we were on the road and buy a bunch of Cokes and Doritos? We'd just eat and drink them in the backseat of the rental car while we forced the guys to switch off and do all of the driving from one arena to the next. Ah, I miss those days."

A somber smile spread across Stephanie's face, eyes glazing over at the memory. Memories of times gone by, never to return again. She slipped a hand over her mouth and forced her breathing to calm with the use of a series of slow, deliberate inhales. When she regained her composure, she responded. "I miss those days so much."

"I do, too, but a wise person once told me to never be sad the good times are over. Just be happy they happened at all. We really got lucky with the lives we lived," Trish said. "We've worked hard to get where we are, don't get me wrong, but we're living lives that other people can only dream of. It's amazing, really, when I think of how far we both came. We started out in the ring at the same time, both of us green as grass, but we really made something of ourselves. I can't wait until Eli and Ren-Ren are older and we can tell them all about our crazy lives on the road."

"I can't wait, either," Stephanie said. She was mentally detaching herself from the conversation, because if she allowed her emotions to get involved, she would become an unmoving heap on the floor, unable to cope. "We've got a lot of stories to tell."

"We really do, but why don't we start with you telling me a story, huh?" Trish said, diving in headfirst. "How about you tell me why you sound like your puppy just died. What's the matter? You and Chris are still getting along, right?"

"He's incredible. The best husband I could have asked for."

"And the baby?"

"Renn's great. He's at the zoo right now with Chris and my parents."

"Why didn't you go with them?" Trish wondered. "Sounds like a fun family outing."

"I wasn't feeling well," she answered, which wasn't a total lie. She hadn't been in the best shape as of late, but she was under a lot of stress and battling changes every day. Struggling with fears of losing herself were trivial, because she would regain her sense of self with the more time that passed. Or maybe that was what she told herself to get through the rigors of the day, regardless of whether or not the affirmation held its weight in truth. "I think I caught a bug."

"Like the stomach flu, or a cold?"

"You could say that."

"I could...or you could just tell me the truth."

In a flash, there was Trish at her finest. She was the best friend nothing could get past, and this time was no different. Stephanie couldn't decide whether to be annoyed that she was being called out, or relieved that someone was reading her properly and recognized a potential problem when they saw one. A problem that a few jokes and some casual conversation couldn't easily cure. "I don't want to bother you with my problems, Trish."

"You don't bother me ever. We're best friends. Tell me what's up, and I'll try my best to help."

"Did you feel different after having Elisabeth?"

"Different how?" Trish asked.

"Like, questioning whether or not you're truly cut out to be a mother and whether you'll be able to provide for the baby the way you need to. Did those thoughts ever cross your mind?"

"Oh, Steph," Trish let out a deep breath, succeeded by a soft giggle. "You had me really worried! I thought you were going to tell me something was _really_ wrong, but, no, you have nothing to be concerned about. Every new mother goes through all the doubts imaginable and wonders if she has what it takes to raise a child. When Paul and I first brought Eli home, we were both nervous wrecks, but especially me. You should have seen. I couldn't let her out of my sight, and I would always freak if someone came over to our house and wanted to pick her up. It was a nightmare, until I got used to being a mom, somewhere along the way."

"How long did it take for you to feel like you were meant to be a mom?"

"Um, I would imagine it's different for everyone, but I would say about one month in, I knew I had all the basic skills and that it was only a matter of fine-tuning them."

"I'm already at three months, a little over, and I still can't figure out whether or not I'm really good at this. I want to tell Chris, but it's like, how can I go whining to him about doubting my parenting skills when I'm the one who went behind his back to have our baby in the first place?" Stephanie asked, brows hitching and forming an arc in the center of her forehead. "If it wasn't for my decision, Renner wouldn't even be here to speak of right now, so how can I possibly go to Chris and tell him I don't know if I'm cut out for motherhood, when the only reason we have this life is my own doing. He'll hate me."

"He loves you, and you have to always know and remember that," Trish replied. "We were both fortunate, in that we married men who love us to the end and know everything about who we are. Chris knows you inside and out, and if you sit him down and talk to him about this rationally, he won't turn you away. I think you know that in your heart, but you're letting your insecurities push you into hiding things from him. There's no way around talking about it. Communication is key for any marriage and, when you stop doing that, everything else falls apart. I don't think you want that, so you had better find a way to open up."

"Okay, well, I just have one more question."

"Go for it."

"I feel so guilty saying this, so I want to preface it by making sure you know how much I love Renner. He's made my life so much brighter, and I couldn't even imagine going a single day without hearing his laugh, or seeing his cute little face or his button nose, but there are times when I feel like I absolutely have to get away," she admitted.

"You mean like taking a small break?"

"Yeah," Stephanie said. "It comes on suddenly, but I'll be home, sitting around with Chris and Renn when, all of the sudden, I feel like I have to get out of the house by myself. I don't usually get to, though, because Chris doesn't pick up on the hint that I'm trying to be alone, and he always offers to come with me, so it ends up being an outing with all three of us. I feel like I'm not getting a break, but I don't want to say that, because it seems rude, and I don't want to hurt Chris anymore. I love him so much, and he's had enough hurt for one lifetime, all the way around."

"You're such a worrywart," Trish muttered, a playful edge to her tone. "I can tell you're nervous, but the funny thing is, everything you're mentioning is totally normal."

"It is?" Stephanie asked, amazed.

"From the occasional sadness, to the wanting to be alone, to doubting yourself, we've all been there, Steph. Go pick any mother at random on the streets and ask her whether she can identify with what you're saying or not," she said. "Guaranteed, she will look you straight in the eye and tell you she knows exactly how you feel. All these issues you're naming are basically like rites of passage, as a mother. You suffer through it and, in the end, you turn out a better mother than you ever would have been without going through it. You'll be stronger for it in the end."

"How do you think I should bring the subject of alone time up to Chris?" Stephanie quizzed, scratching her cheek as she looked straight ahead, caught in a slight daze. "I want to be able to explain it to him in a way that won't hurt his feelings. Everyone thinks of Chris as this big, strong guy, and he obviously is, but I don't think a lot of people realize how sensitive he can be underneath the rough exterior. One time when we were still just dating, I told him I was going to the library to pick out some books and read for a while. He offered to come with me, but when I told him I felt like being alone, he sulked for the rest of the day, and part of the next day, too. I apologized afterward, but he was really hurt. He just didn't understand."

"Can you sit him down once the baby's asleep and explain it to him the exact way you just explained it to me? I can't imagine he would still be insulted if you told him everything that we just talked about," Trish gathered. "Chris may be sensitive, but he's no fool, and you're overlooking his intelligence, big-time. Instead of only telling him you need time alone, explain why you feel that way and that it doesn't mean you don't still need him. He'll get it, Steph. I promise you he will. There are still times, even now, where I'll hand Eli off to Paul and tell him I have to get out of the house, and he gets it, without the need for me to even explain. You'll be that way with Chris too, but, first, you have to have the initial talk about it."

"So it's that easy?"

"It really is that easy."

"I guess it's worth a shot, then. I'll wait until we put Renner down for the night, and then I'll go for it. I really don't want Chris to be mad at me."

"He won't. Not as long as you tell him what you told me."

"This is why I love you, Trish," Stephanie said, and, this time, she exhibited the makings of a genuine smile. "I really knew what I was doing when I picked you to be my friend. I remember the day my dad hired you, and everyone else assumed you were a skank who would sex up all the guys and quit within a month, but, nope, not me. I took one look at you and said, 'she's going to be my friend.' I just knew it."

"Wow, I don't know whether to take that as a compliment, or not. A little backhanded, eh?" she joked.

"Sorry," Stephanie bit her bottom lip sheepishly.

"Did they really call me a skank?"

"Some guys did, but I'm not sure why I'm telling you that now."

"Those bastards."

"You mean poor, jealous bastards," Stephanie corrected. "They were all just mad they couldn't have you. You came into the company all gorgeous and eager to learn, and I'm sure they thought they could talk you into bed, but you always had this air of confidence and a sense of knowing your value. That's why you've made it where you are today."

"Listen to you, just singing my praises. Carry on," she teased.

They shared a laugh, catching up on all of their latest work projects and leaving one another with a promise to talk again soon. When Stephanie hung up the phone, she felt invigorated, her life bordering on the return of complete normalcy. All it took was an old friend to put her issues into perspective and make her hopeful for better days, enough to incite the act of Stephanie pushing off of the couch to make herself some lunch. While searching through the mass of fresh foods in the refrigerator, inspiration hit, and she decided to make lunch for her entire family, since they would likely be returning within the hour. The unanswered questions that had boggled her mind not even a full hour before now all made sense in their own ways, and she whistled a light tune, pulling the chopping board out of the dishwasher so she could cut the vegetables necessary for the dish she planned to create.

No problem was ever as impossible as it appeared.

She would overcome.

She would survive.


	4. The Not-So-Goodbye

Letting go of Chris hurt, physically pained her, so she kept her arms locked around his neck and held him close. He sighed when her tears wet his neck, right in the groove where her face was buried, and it was all he could do not to lead her back to their car and drive home with her and Renner. Whenever Chris was the cause of her pain, he wanted to sink into the ground, never to resurface, even when the fuel driving her heartache was inadvertent. In days gone by, Stephanie had been the absolute pinnacle of strength when it came time for Chris to leave for a tour with Fozzy, but this time was different. This time, there was a storm brewing; the kind that could only be felt, not seen.

Renner, oblivious to the anguish of his mother, slept soundly in the backseat of their vehicle, tucked away safely in his rear-facing car seat. Just when Chris thought the worst of his attempted departure was over, Stephanie's body shook with another wave of silent sobs, each tremor more vicious than the last. The past week leading up to his flight had been tense, painful at worst. Stephanie wasn't herself and hadn't been quite the same since giving birth, and a large part of him felt irresponsible for his plans to leave her behind when she so clearly needed his guidance, but she had been the one to tell him he couldn't give up his dreams. He had committed to the tour dates well beforehand, and he couldn't back out when his family was depending on him. Everything he did was for their own good, and his as well.

A small cluster of people, whom he presumed to be wrestling or Fozzy fans, were gathered near the automatic doors leading into the airport, and Chris rolled his eyes and turned away from them. As much as he tried to be a generally fan-friendly guy, the last thing he needed when his wife was enduring a crisis, of sorts, was to have a flock of people expecting him to sign autographs. They had papers and pens poised in hand, ready to hand off to him when he passed by, but Chris couldn't stop for them and refused to even entertain the idea. Not only was he now running late for his flight, in trying to console Stephanie, but he wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone besides his own family and friends. Nobody else would understand what he was feeling right then.

In a decision that was easily one of the most difficult he had ever settled on, Chris latched onto Stephanie's wrists and forcibly pulled her away from his body, slipping the car keys into her hands before she could protest. He readjusted his baseball cap, then cupped each of Stephanie's cheeks in his hands, brushing her leftover tears away with his thumbs. "Everything is going to be okay. I need you to trust me, and trust yourself, because I know you can do this. You'll hold down the fort while I'm away, and I'll be back before you know it, doing all the little things that annoy you, like being messy around the house," he joked, his own attempt at making her laugh. He was unsuccessful.

"I can't right now. Not today," she protested. Stephanie started in for another hug, and Chris's heart hurt for her, like it was being ripped straight out of his chest, but he was forced to hold her away. He secured his hands around her forearms, encouraging her to stand up straight, instead of leaning into his body. "Please don't go," she begged. "I'm not ready to be by myself."

"We talked about this, babydoll," Chris reminded her, taking care to speak in gentle tones. "I asked you way ahead of time if this was a good idea, and you told me to go. You said it was only two weeks and that you could handle it, remember?"

"Well, I was wrong," she said.

"My dad's flying in tomorrow. He'll spend a few days with you, but you should call your mom and have her stay over with you tonight, if you need company. You can do this; I know you can. I wouldn't be leaving you here to take care of Renner, if I didn't think you could handle it. You're stronger than you probably think you are right now."

"I'm not in control, honey," she admitted. She brought a hand to her flushed cheek and rubbed in a soft circle. Looking her square in the eye, Chris began to feel he truly might not be able to go through with his tour. Regardless of any contracts he had signed or gigs he had agreed to play, Stephanie and Renner were his family, and they ranked above all else in the world. She clutched the car keys in one hand and slid her other hand from her cheek to her forehead next, massaging back and forth. "There's this fog over me, like this dark cloud. It won't go away, and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped and depressed, and everything seems to hurt all of the sudden. I'm not trying to be immature about this, but I really, _really_ need you right now. I'm starting to get scared."

Chris frowned, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Hey, where's all this coming from? This isn't like you at all, Stephanie."

"I don't know why I feel like this," she shrugged, tossing her hands up helplessly. "I love Renner _so_ much, like, more than I could even put into words, but something feels off, and it wasn't until this week that it got almost unbearable. I have this perfect life with you and everything I always wanted, so why do I still feel so bad?" she asked, begging him to make sense of it all. She wiped at a couple more tears that managed to slip out. "It just doesn't make sense. I'm genuinely happy, but I'm also really sad some days."

Chris felt his blood run red-hot through his veins when people began raising their camera phones, taking pictures of him with Stephanie, and even attempting to snap a shot of their son, since the back passenger door was ajar. Chris stepped over and closed it as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Renner, and walked Stephanie back to the front passenger seat, directing her into the vehicle. She did as she was told, albeit confused by his instructions, and Chris went around to the driver side and got in, protected by the tinting of their SUV's windows once their doors were closed. He waited for the anticipated cries from Renner but was relieved to be met with silence, indicating their baby was still lost in a deep sleep.

"Why are we back in here?" Stephanie asked, reaching for a tissue inside the glove compartment to wipe her nose with.

"People were trying to take pictures of us and the baby out there, and it was pissing me off," Chris explained, glaring out the window at the fans, despite the offenders not being able to actually see him. "I swear, some people have no damn respect. I've got my wife crying on the curb, and they're going to stand there and try to take pictures of that and our sleeping son. Bunch of brainless idiots."

He paused to wait for Stephanie to speak, but she only shrugged, blowing her nose and turning to stare out the window. "I don't know what else to say, Chris. I don't want you to think I'm regretting our lives together, because I love what we have. I was literally _just_ on the phone with my mom, telling her how perfect our lives are. It's like, if I take a step back and think logically, I know I have everything I want, but when I let go of that or lose sight of it, it feels so...hopeless. Sometimes I feel like there's nothing, like there's absolutely nothing in this world that could ever make me happy, but that can't be true. I have you and Renner, so why do I feel this way? It doesn't make sense."

Chris let a whistling breath out and placed his forehead down on the steering wheel, needing a moment to think. An airport worker came to stand on the passenger side of their vehicle, gesturing with his hands that they needed to unload, or they would have to leave. "Great, just great!" Chris hissed, after Stephanie alerted him that they had overstayed their welcome at the drop-off location. He started the car and pulled out when there was a break in traffic. "We're supposed to be a team here, Steph, but you're making it a little difficult when you don't talk to me. You never told me that you were _this_ depressed. I could tell you were a little sad that night we spent in Winter Haven, and again when we brought Renner to the zoo on Thursday and you stayed home, but I never thought it was this serious. Why would you wait until now to tell me?"

"Because I wasn't sure," she replied, sounding timid and completely unlike the woman he had come to know. "I thought I was feeling something weird, but it sneaks in and out, so I wondered if I was psyching my own self out because I knew you were leaving. I kept thinking it would all go away and I would start to feel like my old self again, but it's not happening."

"You should have been discussing this with me as soon as it started — not at the last minute when I'm about to fly out of the country!" Chris said, lowering his voice when Stephanie cut her eyes at him. "I'm sorry, but you can't keep shit like this from me. What if I had left you just now and this kicked in after I was gone? Who knows what could have happened. You may not want to speak up all the time, but if you can't do it for yourself, at least do it for Renner."

Chris circled around until he reached the terminal section of the airport's parking lot. He accepted a ticket from the parking toll and drove inside, selecting an empty spot and pulling in. The air outside was cool, bordering on chilly, so he turned the vehicle off and cracked the windows to let a little fresh air inside. Stephanie sniffled, facing him. "Am I making you miss your flight?"

"You're more important than any stupid flight, baby," Chris replied, reaching for her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I want you to be okay, but I don't know what to do about this. Frank, Billy, Paul, and Rich are leaving the country today, just like I was planning to, and I'd feel horrible about leaving them without a lead vocalist. Rich can crank out a lot of our songs on vocals, but we work better as a unit, when all of us are involved," he said, running his hands over his face and dropping them into his lap. "I don't know what to do here."

"Call Mom. She's always the voice of reason."

"Are you sure?" Chris arched an eyebrow. "I should call Linda and she'll straighten all of this out?"

"I think she could."

"Did you have a talk with her about how you're feeling?"

"No, I didn't tell anyone. I was trying to get over it by myself."

"I can understand why you would have wanted that, being the independent woman you are and all, but it's never a sign of weakness to ask for help. That's a sign of strength, okay?"

"I know."

"I'm glad you know, but I don't think calling Linda is such a good idea," Chris expressed, patting her leg when she began to protest. "Hold on, just hear me out. When we were going through a tough time while you were pregnant, we went to your parents all the time. That may have been fine then, but we're married and we have a baby now. We need to learn to handle our problems with each other. Our parents are always there to help when we absolutely need them, but we can't run to them over every little thing. We have to handle this together."

"Then, what do we do?"

"Here's the thing, babe," he started. "Normally, I would buy another plane ticket and just bring you with me, but we've got Renner now, and I don't think it's the wisest choice for all of us to go. He's only a little over three months old, and he doesn't even have all of his shots yet. How do we know we won't take him somewhere overseas and have him catching some weird virus he's not immune to? Plus, being on the road isn't really a place for a baby. I don't think it's safe, and he probably shouldn't be flying this early anyway."

"He's allowed to."

"He may be, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not comfortable with bringing him all the way to Denmark. Then, on top of that, he would have to travel on the tour bus for all the other gigs, and we wouldn't even have a nursery for him. It can't happen, at least, not right now."

"Chris, you're missing your flight. I know it's my fault you're late to begin with, but if you still want to go, you would have to go now and hurry," Stephanie said, staring down the radio clock.

"Whatever," he flicked his hand, "I can buy another plane ticket later if I need to. Focus."

"Okay, sorry."

"It's okay," he said, continuing with the previous train of thought. "I really only see two plausible options, but you can let me know if there's something I don't touch on that you think might work. From what I can see, I can either stay here with you and Renn, or I can go and you can drive to your mom's house and stay with her until you're feeling better. My dad's still coming, so he'll be here to support you, too, but you've got to make a decision one way or the other."

"I feel completely put on the spot," she said, voice rattling with nerves.

"Well, don't. It's really pretty cut-and-dried. If you need me, I'll stay. You just have to tell me."

"I...oh, God, I'm so sorry to put you in this position, but I think I need you to stay. Or...maybe if you can drive me to Mom's, I can stay with her while you come back to the airport to catch your flight. I just don't want to make the drive over there without you. I'll fall apart."

Chris reached out, pressing his palm flush against her cheek and rubbing in a slow circle. His eyes narrowed as he studied her face: flushed cheeks, hollowed eyes, and a sickly, pale color hiding behind her burning cheeks. For the first time, he was seeing the transformation her body had undergone, a startling discovery. "Do you need to see your doctor, Steph? Would it help if I brought you in?"

"It's the weekend, but if we could go first thing on Monday, yeah, I think it might help."

"I'm so worried about you," Chris admitted, running his thumb over her lips. "I feel blindsided, like I didn't even see this coming. I could tell something's been bothering you lately, but not to this extent. Listen, I'll make you an appointment and bring you in to see somebody, okay? I'm going to get you the help you need, so I don't want you to feel alone or scared anymore. You're safe with me."

"Thank you for everything," she said, cringing when she caught herself. Knowing what Chris's response would be, she recited the words right along with him, "You don't need to thank me."

After speaking in perfect synchronicity, they each fell into stunted laughter, somewhat relieved.

Chris entered Vince's and Linda's living room, after making a series of tough phone calls. Despite leaving his bandmates hanging at the last possible hour, they were all kind and understanding enough to wish him luck in caring for Stephanie. He had proposed they find a temporary vocalist to stand in for him during the entire first week of the overseas tour, at which point they would revisit the issue and decide whether or not it was right for him to fly down and complete the second week. There was a lot to be said for putting his family first and, though disappointed he would be missing the tour he had anticipated being a part of, Chris knew he had made the right decision, in listening to his heart and remaining with his family.

After leaving the airport, they had driven to a small eatery, Renner sleeping the entire way through their meal in his car seat, while Chris and Stephanie enjoyed a light brunch. Their next stop had been her parents' place, largely because Chris thought it might be best to have the doting grandparents watch over Renner while he spent some quality alone time with Stephanie. That didn't end up being the case, however, as Vince and Linda fired off an endless array of questions, asking why it was that Chris had bailed on his commitments and not gone on tour. Chris and Stephanie kicked their shoes off, and he curled into a ball on the couch, Stephanie huddled at his side. He wrapped each of his arms around her body and held her close, resting his chin atop her head.

"Why do I feel like there's something you're not telling us?" Linda wondered.

"Yeah, there's something very fishy going on here," Vince paced back and forth across the carpet, bouncing a now fully alert Renner in his arms. Renner reached for the collar of Vince's shirt, balling it in his tiny fist. "You've been telling me for weeks that you couldn't wait to go on tour, Chris. What's this about? It's not like you to miss a tour."

Chris answered, "There are more important things in life than putting on concerts."

"Like what?" Linda asked.

Stephanie peeked up at Chris when she felt his laser beam gaze, and his eyes shot off a silent plea, as if to ask whether or not she wanted him to clue her parents in on the larger issue at hand. She gave a slight nod, and he kissed her forehead, smoothing her hair away from her face. "Like my family," he replied.

"Don't tell me you got homesick and that's why you didn't go," Vince said. "You've been traveling the world since you were 19. I would think you would be used to leaving your family members by now."

"I'm fine with being away for a while, but Steph needed me," he revealed.

Vince laughed, actually guffawed, as he patted Renner's back. "Stephanie? She's the trooper of the family, who rolls with all of the crazy punches. She wouldn't have been bothered by your leaving her behind for a couple of weeks," he said, turning his amused gaze on Stephanie. "Tell him, princess."

"Actually, Dad, I asked Chris to stay," Stephanie admitted, sitting up a little straighter against his body. Chris played with the ends of her hair nonchalantly, and she squeezed his thigh, thankful he was still with her and not on a plane headed to the opposite end of the earth. "I think something's wrong with me, and I needed him to be here for it. I don't want to face whatever this is alone."

Linda inched forward in her seat, worry lines creasing her brow. "What exactly are we talking about here? You're making me nervous."

Stephanie took a deep breath, licking her lips in the time it took to build the courage to continue. "For the past week or so — more like the past month, but I hid it well — I've been having a rough time with everything. It's hard for me to understand what this stems from, because I love Chris and Renner so much, and I'm completely happy with the way my life has turned out. It's just this horrible feeling, and I don't know what it is, but I'll be fine one day and then randomly feel like I might break down in tears the next day. I start thinking about the past and feeling like I'll never be happy again, except I _am_ happy, but I'm sad at the same time. See? It's like my head is a jumbled mess, and I don't know what to think."

"You know something, sweetie, your description sounds a little bit like postpartum depression, or something similar to that," Linda surmised. "I think you definitely need to get in and see a doctor about it. There should be something they can do for you, whether it's medication or anything else."

"I did an internet search on my mood swings a couple days ago, and the postpartum thing came up in the search results," she said, hiding her face with her hand when Chris leaned in from behind her body so their eyes would meet. "I know, I know, I should have told you, Chris, but I didn't. I'm sorry."

"She hides this stuff from me. I don't get why she does that," Chris shook his head. "I didn't even know she was hurting this way until I drove to the airport this morning and she told me, right as I was about to leave. It was a shock to the system, that's for sure."

"I didn't do it on purpose. I just didn't want to bother you."

"Did you seriously just say that?" Chris asked, bewildered. "Stephanie, you're my wife. Not just my friend, or acquaintance, or girlfriend. You're my _wife_, not to mention, the mother of my son. How could you ever think you're bugging me by talking about your problems? I don't think I'm doing my job as a husband if you don't even feel like you can come and discuss this sort of stuff with me."

"No," she latched onto his arm, "please don't think that, hon. It had nothing to do with you. I was just so locked in my own mind that I felt like I should have been able to handle it on my own instead of going to anyone. You're an amazing husband, and you always tell me to come to you when I need help, but I kept this from everybody, not just you. This was my own fault, and it had nothing to do with you or anybody else at all, I swear."

"I would hope not," he said, kissing her cheek and skimming his lips along her jawline, making her shiver with lust. "All I care about is that you're able to be happy again. There's nothing more I want for you than that."

"I want to be happy, too," she said. "I really don't think I have postpartum depression, though. That usually shows up right after giving birth, and Renner's already three months old. If I had that condition, I'd already be over it by now."

"That's not necessarily true, sweetheart," Linda argued. "Go talk to your doctor about what you're feeling. You may be surprised to find that having that condition months after giving birth isn't as unheard of as you think."

Stephanie let out a long yawn, covering her mouth with her hand for the duration. She blinked slowly, settling back against Chris. "I'm always so tired now, too, but that could just be because I'm waking up all the time with Renner. I feel so weak and exhausted."

"Why don't you take a nap?" Chris suggested. He caressed her hand and brought her palm to his mouth for a gentle kiss. "I'll stay right here with you. Just close your eyes and relax."

"Okay, I will," Stephanie agreed, eyes already closing themselves off to the world. "But, Renner..." she trailed off, pointing blindly in his general direction.

"We've got him covered. You just get some rest," Vince replied.

Stephanie nodded and turned her body parallel to the couch, hiding her face in the crook of Chris's neck, just as she had when she hugged him not-so-goodbye at the airport, earlier that morning. Chris reached underneath her blouse and swirled his fingertips over her back, continuing the soothing motion until her breathing evened out and she fell into a peaceful sleep. He leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes, listening to the consistent lull of her breathing, the sound easing him like waves lapping at a shoreline. Feeling the uncomfortable prickle of being watched, Chris peeked through his left eye, peering across the room at Vince, who had taken a seat on the couch and placed Renner in his lap.

"Should I be concerned?" Vince asked, bucking his head in Stephanie's direction. Chris pressed his lips to the hair at Stephanie's crown, nodding as he pulled away.

"Yes. We should all be concerned."


	5. Severing the Ties That Bind

A/N: I'm so thrilled so many of you are still reading this! Thanks for keeping me going.

* * *

"You're honestly telling me I'm in jeopardy?" Chris guffawed, mouth hanging wide open.

He had sealed himself off inside his home office to avoid any background noise from the conversations filling the household, not only with Ted's arrival, but with Linda's as well. Ted would be spending the morning in their home, caring for Renner and making good on some important bonding time he had missed out on for the past few months, with his living all the way in Winnipeg. Linda, on the other hand, had offered to attend Stephanie's doctor's appointment right along with Chris, each of them eager for the outcome of her check-up. By all accounts, the day should have been simple and generally pleasant, but chaos had a way of finding Chris.

"It would seem so," Rich confirmed, not nearly as much concern in his tone as Chris thought there should have been.

"Dude, we're supposed to be like brothers. How the hell could you even entertain the idea of kicking me out of the band we basically founded together?" Chris shouted, bolting from his chair and pacing the room frantically. Of all the conversations he had expected to have with Rich when he called him to check in that morning, the notion of his spot in Fozzy being threatened hadn't crossed his mind even a single time. His decision to stick around for Stephanie had been a knee-jerk reaction — one he felt his bandmates should have understood wholeheartedly. "Who brought up the subject of getting rid of me in the first place?"

"Nobody really said it first," Rich answered, clearly not in love with the idea of pinpointing the exact culprit. All Chris could do was juggle three names in his mind, wondering who had been the one to stick the dagger in his back when he wasn't looking. _Billy, Paul, Frank_. Someone was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and the truth would surface before the end of the phone call, if Chris had anything to do with it. "It was just sort of tossed around last week when you bailed on us."

"First of all, somebody had to bring up the idea of kicking me out to begin with, so what you just said was a lie. Second of all, my family means more to me than a band. They mean more than money, or luxury vehicles, or expensive mansions, or any of that other material bullshit. Steph was in tears when I was leaving, and not just because she was sad, but because something was _seriously _wrong. Even if the other guys don't get that, I would think you would. You're smarter than this, Rich."

"Don't go getting all crazy on me now. I never said I wanted to have you kicked out of the group," Rich replied. Chris stopped by the window in his office, which overlooked his expansive front yard, and he stood there, staring out into the frostbitten daylight, wondering how his life had taken such a drastic turn in a matter of days. When he had called the guys on Saturday to make sure they were aware he wasn't flying out, they were cool with it, but somebody had been getting in Rich's ear since then, and he wanted to know which of his own was a traitor. "I think some people don't really believe your heart is in it the way it used to be and, if not, they want to find someone else who will be able to dedicate all their time to the band."

"I dedicate everything to this band. You and I were the only ones who even started it!" Chris tossed his hand up, in disbelief, and turned away from the window, pressing his back against the wall beside it and staring into space. "This is _our_ band, and we call the shots — not the other way around. Now tell me who it was that got this ball rolling so I know who we need to get rid of."

"The thing is..." Rich hesitated. His silence resounded in such a way that Chris was certain he was planning on telling him something he wouldn't want to hear. He was about to be on the receiving end of bad news from one of the few people in the world he truly cared about, and the biting sting was already wince-inducing. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, man, and I didn't come up with the idea to get you out, but I'm thinking...I've been wondering if maybe it isn't such a bad idea for you to take another route in life."

"_What_?" Chris hollered, shaking his head. "You have lost your mind, Rich. You're either playing a joke on me, or you're completely insane."

"Will you hear me out?"

"I don't want to hear you out. Not when you're basically selling me out to a bunch of guys who have nowhere near the musical history or friendship with you that I do," Chris shot back, gritting his teeth as he snatched the stapler off of his desk and hurled it across the room. "This is bullshit!"

The stapler smacked into the wall with a sharp thud and zipped down to the floor, behind a file cabinet stocked with paperwork relating to Fozzy's earnings and past tours. Perhaps he wouldn't need the papers in those drawers for much longer. Chris escaped his coursing rage long enough to check the clock and find that he only had a couple of minutes to whisk Stephanie out of the house so they could make it to her appointment on time. As horrified as he was to wake up to a conversation like the one he was in the middle of with Rich, Chris had to stand strong for Stephanie. She needed him calm and rational, and he was going to give her that, because his decision to remain home with her wasn't going to be all for naught.

"Look, Chris, I — "

"No, _you_ look. I have a wife to take care of and, for your information, I'm bringing her to the doctor in a few minutes. She's having a rough go at life right now, and I'd think you would want to support her, instead of trying to bring me down for having the wherewithal to recognize that she needed me to stay home and take care of her," Chris said. "I don't even know what to think of you at this point, but I guess I'll be in touch later on. See ya."

He hung up without bothering to wait for an answer, exercising every ounce of self-control he had not to hurl the device into the wall and watch it break clear in half. Rich's phone call had only served as more proof to what he had already known but was too afraid to admit to himself: he could never know who his true friends were. All he had for certain was Stephanie, and if she was the only person he could trust for the remainder of his life, he was okay with that. She was someone he could depend on, who would never turn her back when he needed a helping hand, and if he had to ride his problems out with her, and her alone, he would do just fine.

Chris shoved his phone into his pocket and unlocked his office door, hurling it open with enough force to send the lower edge crashing into the doorstop. He cringed, knowing the noise had been loud enough for everyone to hear from downstairs. Stephanie, who he presumed was at the bottom of the stairs, called up to him. "Are you okay, honey?"

"I'm fine," he called back.

"What was that sound? Did you drop something?" she asked.

"Yeah," he appeared at the top of the stairs, forcing a smile that probably bore more resemblance to a grimace than anything else. "I'm good to go. Let's go see that doctor of yours."

"I was just about to come up there and ask if it was time for us to go," Stephanie said. Since she had opened up to Chris at the airport, he was more perceptible to the changes in her mood, but, overall, she was doing well with Renner and was able to parent to the best of her abilities. She had her more trying moments, but she took them all in stride and was getting better at communicating to Chris when she needed a moment alone to regroup and come back to her senses. She was putting in a marked effort, and that was the most Chris could have asked for, or expected. He shuffled down the stairs and took a one-way trip to Stephanie, gathering her in a hug and kissing the side of her neck while he held her. "Well hello to you, too," she smiled, his action lifting her spirits.

"Thank you," Chris murmured against her skin, baffling even Linda and Ted, both watching the sight unfold.

"For what?" Stephanie asked, pulling away to look him in the eye.

"For always being my best friend, no matter what," he said. Chris leaned in and pressed his lips sweetly to hers, pulling away a moment later and reaching for her hand to guide her to Renner's playpen so they could say goodbye to their little boy before heading out the door. Ted's and Linda's eyes met, just for a second, and they shared knowing smiles, honored to watch their children's bond grow deeper each day.

In the waiting room, Chris surfed the web on his phone, an anxious Stephanie looking over his shoulder at what he was doing. She made idle small-talk with Linda until her name was called by the medical assistant, and they stood as a collective group, armed and ready to face any diagnosis that came their way. Chris closed out of the internet application on his phone and grabbed Stephanie's hand, leading her to the examination room they had been scheduled to occupy. The assistant recorded Stephanie's weight right outside the door, then brought her to take a seat on the examination table, where she recorded her blood pressure and congratulated her on giving birth, announcing that Dr. Womack would be in soon.

Linda took a seat in an empty chair near Stephanie, and Chris did the same on the opposite side of the examination table, dragging the chair legs close enough that he was able to reach out and recapture Stephanie's hand. She smiled, though her eyes held a sadness behind the prideful mask she wore, and she squeezed his hand. "Thanks for coming, guys. I feel really supported, and it's nice."

"What else are mothers for?" Linda batted her eyelashes, smiling coyly.

"Oh my gosh, now I know where Steph gets it from!" Chris exclaimed, pointing across the room. "She makes that same face at me all the time when she's joking or being sarcastic. You two are like one in the same."

"Like mother, like daughter," Stephanie said, imitating Linda's facial gestures. All Chris could do was shake his head and chuckle. When her phone rang, Stephanie jumped in surprise, glancing down at the display and answering before the person on the other end of the line gave up. "Hey," she said, "I'm at the doctor's office right now with my mom and Chris. Can I call you back when I get out of here?" she paused, awaiting the response. "Thanks, I'll call you soon. Love you. Bye."

"Who was that?" Chris asked, just as she was hanging up.

"Trish."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Stephanie nodded. "She's been calling me a lot lately. I think she can tell something is off with my mood, so she's trying to check in and make sure I'm okay."

She could have told Chris the simple truth and admitted she had called Trish earlier in the week to vent. It should have been simple to tell him the truth, but it wasn't, and she kept her secrets close, like a winning hand in a poker game. She had at least taken Trish's advice and sat Chris down when Renner was asleep, explaining to him that there were times when she was going to need her own space, and it didn't mean she loved him or Renner any less. Chris had taken the talk better than expected and was completely supportive of allowing her to enjoy solo time whenever the urge came over her. Their chat had been just as easy as Trish claimed it would be, but Chris still lacked the full picture, by way of Stephanie's omission of certain details.

"She's a good friend to you," Chris noted. Stephanie turned to look at him, and he reiterated. "She's a great friend to both of us, but she's got a special bond with you. A word of advice?"

"Sure, what is it?" Stephanie wondered.

"Accept her help, if she offers it. Accept my help, and your parents' help, and Shane's, and anyone else's if they extend it. I don't know everything about what's going on with you, but I would assume you're going to need emotional support more than anything, so take it when we offer, okay?"

"I will."

"Good," Chris reached out to caress her thigh, just as Dr. Womack entered.

"There's my favorite couple," she grinned, reaching a hand out to shake Linda's. "It's great to see you, too," she said, pulling away from their friendly grasp and sliding her stool in front of the examination table Stephanie was sitting on. "How's that beautiful baby boy doing?"

"He's amazing," Stephanie said, easing into conversation. Renner was a subject she never ran into any roadblocks discussing. "He's always smiling and laughing, he eats well, and when we give him a bath in his little tub, he tries to sit up. It's so cute that he tries so hard, but he doesn't have the arm strength yet. He's been an all-around joy and a blessing to have."

Dr. Womack turned to Chris for his opinion, and he pointed at Stephanie. "What she said."

Everyone laughed, and he shrugged, scratching the back of his head while smiling softly. When the laughter died down, Dr. Womack checked Stephanie's chart and scribbled something onto her clipboard, placing the hand holding the pen on her wrist and looking up at Stephanie. She offered her undivided attention, asking, "Why don't you talk to me about some of your concerns for today?"

"I think that something might be wrong with me," Stephanie began, running a hand through her hair. Chris could tell she was nervous; that was the only reason she ever played with her hair. "I guess the easiest way to explain it is that my life is everything I want it to be. I have my husband and my son, and this life that I always dreamed of living, but then there's this part of me that's down and can't seem to recover."

"This part of you that's down, what does it feel like?" Dr. Womack asked, scrawling notes onto the paper in front of her, as she exercised her active listening skills.

"It feels like, well, I told Chris this before, but it feels like there's this dark cloud over me that just sits there. It won't move or go away, and it makes me act differently than I normally would," she explained. "A good example of it is when my parents and Chris brought the baby to the zoo, but I stayed in bed. I told Chris I was sick, but it was more that I wasn't in the right mindset. I couldn't motivate myself enough to even get out of bed. That's when self-doubt sets in, because I feel like, how can I consider myself a good mother when I can't even find it in me to get out of bed and spend time with my son? I feel terrible about it."

"You can't beat yourself up about those types of feelings," Dr. Womack assured her, glancing up from her notes. "You're here today and being honest about what you feel, and that shows me and everyone else in this room how much you love your son. You're here because you care and you want to be better. That speaks volumes."

"I know, but I waited so long to have a baby. I've been ecstatic every day since I found out I was pregnant with Renner, and it seems so wrong to be depressed now that he's finally here. He's so sweet and innocent, and he deserves to have a good mom."

"You _are_ a good mom, babe," Chris cut in.

"That's right," Dr. Womack nodded at Chris's words. "A lot of new mothers — if they're not bonded with their babies right away, or if they're feeling distant or unmotivated to spend time with their babies — make the mistake of thinking that makes them an unfit parent, and that's simply not true. Every mother's experience with their baby is different, and just because yours deviates from the norm doesn't make it wrong. You're here because you want help, and that's promising, so don't be too hard on yourself. From what I've heard from you so far, it sounds like there are some things we can do to get you the help you need."

"That's good to hear, because I was beginning to lose hope," Stephanie admitted. "I _do_ feel bonded to Renner, and I hold him and kiss him all the time, but there are also times when I feel like I have to be alone, and it makes me just want to run away," she cringed, too afraid to look at Chris, for fear of his reaction. "I don't mean to sound careless or like I don't love my family, because I do, but there are times when I could honestly grab my car keys and hit the road, without looking back."

"Wow," Chris hissed, gulping audibly. She hadn't told him that piece of information before. Stephanie's heart broke at what she saw when she finally raised her gaze. Chris's head was down, and he fiddled with his fingers, looking as if he might go so far as to burst out in tears at any moment.

"Is everything okay, Chris?" Dr. Womack asked.

"Not really," he shook his head, not meeting anyone's eyes. "She never told me that before, but, yeah, I don't feel too hot knowing my wife wants to run away from me and our kid. What husband wants to hear that?"

Dr. Womack's eyes softened. "Would it help if I told you that what Stephanie's feeling has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you or the baby?"

"I guess so, but I'm not going to lie, it pretty much breaks my heart to hear her say that. The thought of her wanting to jump in a car and just drive away is...I don't even know what to say about it. I thought I was closer to her than that, but she's not really talking to me about what's going on, so I guess I was wrong to assume. Maybe she's not happy in this relationship."

"Okay, enough," Stephanie covered her face with both hands, sliding them down to her neck. "Chris, that's not the way it is, and we're at the obstetrician's office, remember? She's not a marriage counselor."

"I'd be glad to leave, if you don't want me in here," Chris said, tone clipped and irritable.

He folded his arms across his chest as he struggled to gulp down the massive amount of hurt flooding his heart, collecting like a full night's rain. His chest grew heavy, and he found himself clenching his teeth to keep his chin from trembling. Maybe he should have gone on tour after all, considering his presence alone made Stephanie miserable enough to consider leaving home. It was the most unwanted he had ever felt and, yet, she was the one who had begged him to stay. Maybe her pleas at the airport had been bogus from the get-go.

"It's all right, everyone take a breath," Dr. Womack directed. In doing so, she exhibited a calmness that assured Stephanie she had dealt with the same sort of situation plenty of times over again. She likely had plenty of women who came to her after giving birth, searching for some bit of advice to carry them through the rough times. Her expertise was all they had to lean on, and Stephanie was praying for a miracle. "I can't stop anyone from leaving the room, but I really hope you will all come to realize that we're in this together."

"It's okay, Chris, try to relax," Linda encouraged, watching him from across the room. "I know your feelings are hurt, but Stephanie doesn't have any control over this. You'll understand, but you have to stay and let Dr. Womack explain it."

"We'll get this all squared away in no time. Now, Stephanie, I'm going to name a few symptoms, and I want you to give me a yes or a no, depending on whether or not that particular symptom describes you," Dr. Womack said, as Stephanie nodded in agreement. "Let's get started. Any loss of appetite, or insomnia?"

"No, to the first one; yes, to the second," she replied.

"Intense anger, or fatigue?" the doctor continued.

"No, to the first; yes to the second," Stephanie repeated.

"How about loss of interest in things you once enjoyed?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, let's see what we have next," Dr. Womack recorded her answers with her pen, proceeding. "Mood swings?"

"Yes."

"Feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy?"

"All the time."

"Withdrawing from family and friends?"

"Yes."

"Trouble bonding with your baby?"

"No," she frowned.

"Now, this is a tough one, but I need you to be very honest with me so we can get you set up with sufficient help," she prepared.

"I'll be honest," Stephanie agreed.

"Any thoughts of harming yourself or your baby?"

Her eyes grew wide, and she clenched her fists involuntarily, fingernails digging into her palms and leaving red marks. "Never. I could _never_ do something like that to either of us."

"That's okay. I just have to ask," Dr. Womack said, finishing up with her notes. She slid a piece of paper from behind the one she had been writing on and handed it to Chris. "Chris, I want you to take a look at this paper and see if you notice any correlation between the symptoms written on the page and everything your wife just told me."

"All right," Chris said, his tone lower than normal. He was upset, and if Stephanie could have taken his hurt away, she would have. As it stood, she wasn't entirely sure how to escape her own world of pain, so she was forced to sit and watch, wishing she could will away Chris's glassy eyes and heaving chest, as he pulled in big gulps of air to keep from growing lightheaded. He mouthed the words on the page as he read them, reaching the bottom and glancing up. "Most of the symptoms listed sound like exactly what she said she has."

"That's right."

"It says on the paper it's classified as postpartum depression," he added.

"That's right," Dr. Womack replied, turning to Stephanie. "It looks like we've got our answer, and now that we do, we can start working towards a resolution. Would you like to go over some treatment options and decide which one might work best for you?"

"Yes, please," she said, breathing a sigh of relief.

The car ride home wasn't as stunted or awkward as Stephanie had expected and, despite their slight misunderstanding, Chris had been nothing short of supportive since they had left the medical office. Linda sat in the backseat, but not without Stephanie putting up a strong argument to get her to take the front. She had insisted, but Linda claimed she was fine in the back, so Stephanie opted for her normal seat, while Chris did the driving. He held Stephanie's hand the entire way home and dropped Linda off with her vehicle so she could head home, at which point they entered the house to check on Ted and Renner. Chris thought it might be nice to have a brief getaway with Stephanie, and with Ted's encouragement, they hit the road. They had been cooped up inside for so long that he thought a day outdoors might do them both some good.

Stephanie called home and checked in with Ted every so often, making sure all was still going well with Renner. She had been informed during the latest update that the baby was napping and Ted was watching the sports channel. Despite the days struggles, she finally had an answer for her suffering and, thus, a clear plan set in place for how she would combat the issue, and with a strong family standing behind her, she was certain to make it through and come out stronger than ever. After stopping by a local deli for some sandwiches, chips, and juice bottles, Chris drove to the same park they had held their family outing at months before, and he parked the car, carrying their food to a table near the lake.

Before they could officially begin their meal, Stephanie was already apologizing. "We're doing well right now, so I hate to bring this back up, but I'm really sorry if you were hurt by anything I told Dr. Womack. I was only trying to be honest, and I didn't mean for anything I said to be painful for you or Renner. For the record, I don't want to run from either of you. I just want to run from the way that I've been feeling, but that's something I have to deal with separately. I love you both, more than I can even say."

"We love you, too," Chris said, pulling the first sandwich out of the bag and handing it off to her. "I'm just happy we have a solution now. All I want is to see you getting better, and I guess now that we're being completely honest with each other, I might as well spill the beans."

"About what?" Stephanie asked, taking a small bite of her sandwich.

"I might be kicked out of Fozzy."


	6. Lost in Translation

A/N: I love hearing what you all think of the chapters, so thanks for telling me!

* * *

"So he didn't react well at that appointment on Monday?" Vince asked.

"He did, actually," Linda said, stirring the pot's contents. She pulled a small spoon out of the utensil drawer and dipped it in the simmering sauce, taste-testing the mixture and deciding a bit more salt was in order. Vince leaned against the refrigerator, watching as Linda added spices to her special recipe of homemade marinara sauce. "He was sweet and supportive, and all those things we know him to be. He was just hurt when she admitted that sometimes she feels like running away, which is perfectly understandable. It would be hard to hear the person you're married to say something like that."

"But she can't help those feelings, right?" he questioned. Vince took a sip from his beer can and shuffled to the counter, picking at a small bowl of trail mix that Linda had set out for pre-dinner snacking.

"No, she can't. Chris knows that now, and Stephanie told me on the phone this morning that he's been going out of his way to accommodate her. He's offering to take the baby when she needs a moment out of the house by herself, and he's cooking her dinners and giving her massages when the baby goes to bed. He's a great husband to her, but I never doubted he would be."

"Giving her massages?" Vince fixated on.

Linda shrugged. "That's what Stephanie told me."

"Why don't you ever do that for _me_?" he teased, hunching over and pretending his back was in pain.

Linda took her balled up napkin and tossed it at her target, laughing when it tapped Vince in the right temple and fell to the floor. He scooped the napkin up and discarded it in the trash can, winking at her as he strolled right out of the room. Ted had returned home to Winnipeg three days prior, and since Chris and Stephanie felt such a palpable void in his absence, Linda had invited them over, with Renner, for dinner. By the time the sauce was ready and the pasta had been brought to a rapid boil, the doorbell rang out through their home, which Vince answered to.

A slight commotion swept in with Chris's and Stephanie's entrance, the walls reverberating the sounds of Renner's cries, failing to absorb and eliminate the ruckus like a sponge would to water. It was rare for Renner to be upset, but all babies had their moments, so Linda didn't place too much stock into his rather grumpy disposition. Chris and Stephanie greeted Vince, all of which could easily be heard over the sounds of the baby, and they entered the kitchen as a group, Chris walking over to kiss Linda's cheek. "Hey, Linda. How are you?"

"I'm wonderful," she smiled, patting his cheek. "How's my sweet grandbaby?"

"Well...I'm not so sure," Chris paused, checking on Stephanie's frantic pacing as she bounced Renner in her arms, rubbing his back and whispering sweet words to soothe his tears. "He was fine in the car. I think he got cold when we took him out, and now he's just plain unhappy, and probably a little bit hungry, too."

"Poor thing," she sympathized.

"Yeah, but he's a tough kid. He'll bounce back in a few minutes and be fine," Chris said. He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited, keeping himself available in case Stephanie requested his help with Renner. She sought out a single chair lining the counter and took a seat, guiding Renner to her chest and sweeping a hand over his hair in a light brushing motion.

"Shh, it's okay, precious. I've got you," she stroked Renner's head and rocked him from left to right. When his crying didn't immediately let up, she kept at it, determined to calm him. "I know, baby, it's cold and you're grumpy. Do you want Mommy to feed you?" she asked. Stephanie reached down to pat his diaper, checking for the telltale signs of heaviness that served as indicators for a dirty diaper, but all was dry down below. "Yep, you must be hungry. All right, sweetie, Mommy's going to feed you. Shh, yeah, Mommy's going to make you all better."

She surveyed the kitchen, trying to determine the best place to feed Renner, and Chris read her mind and pulled out a chair at the dining room table. She smiled, thanking him as she crossed the room and took a seat. Already knowing the drill, Chris unzipped the diaper bag and pulled out the nursing sling, handing it off to Stephanie and picking Renner up long enough for her to get the infant apparatus situated. He placed Renner into the sling when Stephanie was ready and left her to feed him, returning to the counter to speak with Linda once the noise had died down and Renner was too occupied with his evening meal to fall into another round of hysterics.

"So, Steph has her first counseling session on Tuesday of next week. It's going to start as individual counseling, and then they want to add me to the mix," Chris explained. Vince came up on the side of him and clapped his back. "You're welcome to come, too, Vince. Once she gets past her first session, they want to make it into a family counseling type of situation, so I can go, but you guys can, too. Shane and Marissa can even get in on it, if they want. It's all about helping Steph relate to all of us and figure out how to explain her feelings and ask for what she needs, instead of bottling things up inside."

"You're talking about me like I'm not even here," she voiced from across the room.

"Sorry, baby," he apologized, rolling his eyes at Vince.

"And don't roll your eyes at me, either," she added.

"You saw that?" Chris asked.

"Yes. My eyes still work, contrary to popular belief," she responded, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Do you want to explain it to your dad, then? He's been working all week and doesn't really know much about the outcome of your appointment on Monday."

"There's not much to tell that you haven't already said," Stephanie shrugged, watching over Renner and trailing her finger through his hair. "I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and Dr. Womack offered medicine, but I didn't take it. She wanted me to get on antidepressants, but those can enter breast milk, and I wouldn't be able to feed Renner the way I do now," she pouted, tapping Renner's nose with her fingertip. "And that just wouldn't do, baby boy, now would it? No? I don't think so, either."

"Was that all she offered, besides counseling?" Vince asked.

"She offered some sort of hormone therapy too, but I'm not really interested in putting a bunch of foreign substances into my body. I thought counseling seemed the least intrusive, so I talked it over with Chris and Mom while we were at the doctor's office, and I went with counseling," she said. "I think it could make things a lot better, and if it doesn't, she told me I'm more than welcome to schedule another appointment with her so she can refer me to someone else who might be able to help."

"As long as it's what you want, then I support you."

"It is. I just want to be better," Stephanie replied. "A better daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, and friend. I could use some sprucing up."

"Couldn't we all?" Linda remarked.

"I suppose so," she agreed, delving seamlessly into the next topic of contention, without so much as drawing a complete breath. "In other news, Chris's so-called friends want to kick him out of Fozzy."

"_What_?" Vince and Linda spat out, in tandem. Chris's face flushed as he narrowed his eyes at Stephanie, tossing his hands up, as if to ask why she would have blurted his personal business out without warning. Since the band's decision wasn't yet final, Chris didn't feel the need to go around telling everyone that his spot in the group was conditional, but Stephanie hadn't left him a choice. He shook his head, staring at the counter top, not budging to say a single word. Linda was first in line to press the issue. "What happened, Chris?"

"Nothing yet, which is why Steph really shouldn't have said anything," he muttered.

"You can't be mad at me for talking about it," Stephanie argued. Chris had expressed his desire for privacy until a decision had been reached, but Stephanie saw no reason to keep her family in the dark, and especially not when she was expected to be so open and honest with everyone about her own condition. "You're always telling everyone about what's going on with me, as if it's all fair game. Why can't I tell people your news?"

"Whatever, Stephanie," Chris rose from his seat and ducked into the next room, fists clenched and feet stomping.

Vince shared a worried look with Linda and followed Chris's path out of the room, presumably to find out what was going on from the source himself. To avoid making eye contact with Linda and being subjected to an endless stream of questions she wasn't certain she held the answers for, Stephanie focused in on Renner, stroking his cheek with her fingertip until he finished his meal. Once she had readjusted her clothing and removed him from the sling, Stephanie excused herself from the kitchen, bouncing her cherished bundle in her arms as she tiptoed down the hallway, detecting voices coming from the home office at the side of the staircase. Vince's office. She propped Renner's head on her shoulder and began rubbing his back to coax a burp out of him, lingering near the slightly cracked door as she eavesdropped.

"She just blurts stuff out without thinking, and it honestly drives me up the wall," Chris admitted. The dull thud of footsteps emanated from the office, as if someone was pacing the length of the floor — Chris, most likely. "There are some things that we tell each other and it's understood that we can speak freely about them, but there are other times I confide in her with the expectation of keeping it between us, and I specifically asked her notto mention Fozzy. She just doesn't give a shit about what I want."

"You know Stephanie, though," Vince said. "She's a very open person with not much to hide, and I imagine she's always going to be like that. I don't think she said it with the intent to hurt you. She's probably just hoping we can offer some sound advice for you."

"But I asked her not to because, as you can see, this is opening a whole new can of worms that I wasn't ready to delve into. It would be different if we hadn't really talked about it, but I told her a few days ago that I wanted us to keep that information to ourselves for now."

"I don't mean this in a rude or condescending way," Vince began, broaching the subject with caution, "but is there a reason it matters so much that we know? I'm just wondering why it was so important for you to keep it a secret."

"Because I didn't tell her the whole truth."

"So you're _not_ in danger of being kicked out of Fozzy?"

"Yes, I actually am," Chris supplied. "What I mean to say is that I told Steph the reason they want me out is because the band doesn't feel like I fit the look or the general vibe anymore. I basically just made up a bunch of stuff about why they don't want me, because if she knows the real reason they're pushing to get me out, I think it might hurt her too much. She's fragile right now, and I don't want to make any waves."

"I don't know if I'm following you here," Vince squinted.

"She's distracted by everything else that's weighing her down, so when I told her the band wanted me out because they didn't feel like I was performing at the level I used to, she accepted that answer. I don't think she's in a healthy enough state of mind to think much further than that and figure out why they really don't want me," Chris explained. "She pretty much accepts what I say at face value, but, the thing is, the real reason the other guys want me out of the band is because I bailed on them for her. It's not so much that they're pissed I didn't make the tour as it is that I waited until the very, _very_ last second to pull out."

"I see."

"If I would have given them advance notice, they would have worked something out or rescheduled the tour dates. That was why I asked Stephanie from the beginning — monthsago — and she said she was fine with my decision to go on tour," Chris continued. "If she would have been honest and told me when she first started feeling bad, I might have been able to do something about it and have the tour reset, but now it's obviously too late, since they're almost one week in. Don't get me wrong; I'm not blaming any of this on her. I was happy to stay behind and take care of Steph. She's my wife, and I'd do anything for her or Renner, but she should have told me about this ahead of time."

"So she has no clue about this?"

"No, and I don't want her to," Chris said. _So much for secrecy_, Stephanie thought, ear pressed to the wall just outside of the office as she continued rubbing Renner's back. "All it's going to do is cause problems, and we have enough stress for right now. I hate to say this, but sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her at home. I make sure the house is clean, the food is made, and the daily chores run smoothly, all so she won't feel like she needs to bolt. I don't know if this is a sign of anything bad, but she hands Renner off to me quite a bit now, and she never did that before. He's my son, so of course I'm cool with taking care of him, and I get that now is a rough time for Steph, but I wish she could help me a little more. This is supposed to be a partnership."

"That's not what she told Linda on the phone," Vince frowned. "Linda said she's been doing better with the baby and that you all worked out a system."

"Yeah, well, Steph has a way of wrapping a mess up, tying it in a pretty bow, and making it seem like it's great. Our lives are good, don't get me wrong, but we have a lot of work to do. I guess that's what marriage is all about, though."

"Believe me, it is," Vince told him. "You never stop working."

"I'm sure I won't," Chris replied. "It's just that now I've got the issue of possibly being done with Fozzy. If they decide I can't play in the band anymore, I'm done. They outnumber me, and that's just the way it works. It kills me, though, because I had two dreams when I was a child, and those were to be a wrestler and play in a rock band. I was lucky enough to have them both come true, and now I might be losing one of them. It's the shits."

"I can't even imagine. It must be."

"I don't want to blame this on Steph, because it's really not her fault, when it comes down to it. I just hate that I've told her a million times that she can't keep things from me. I always say that if something's bothering her we need to talk about it, and, once again, she hid her feelings until the last minute, and I may be out of a dream job because of it. It probably shouldn't piss me off, but it sort of does. I mean, I'm more pissed at the guys that they would put me in this situation, and I don't regret staying home with Steph, but she could have talked to me about this much sooner than she did and this might have had a different outcome."

"I can't say that I blame you," Vince empathized. "If Linda and I had been in a similar situation, I would be angry, too."

That was all Stephanie could stand to hear. At least now she knew for certain that her own husband resented her. She couldn't say she hadn't expected it, because a part of her felt the tension that both of them were too terrified to bring up, for fear it would release a torrential flood that they weren't readily prepared to battle. For what it was worth, she had figured out on her own that the band wanted Chris out because of his missing the most recent overseas tour. The timing had been so close between the two events that there was no possible way she wouldn't have been able to link them to one another. How pleased she was to hear that Chris didn't believe she was smart enough to figure out such a simple fact by way of her own brainpower.

Her bottom lip quivered as she returned to the living room with Renner, and she struggled to hold the hot tears welling in her eyes at bay. After all she had been through with Chris, she thought they were closer than his behavior was showing. If he was going to doubt her every move and intention, she could just as easily do the same to him, and then they would at least be on an even playing field and she wouldn't be the only person fighting for their relationship to work. She patted Renner's back until a burp came out, then, she carried him to the car seat waiting on the table. When she finished bundling him up in his winter attire and snapping the safety belt into place, Stephanie scanned the room and located a pad of paper and an ink pen.

She jotted a testy note on the paper and left it in the center of the coffee table, jogging back into the kitchen to grab the diaper bag, under the guise that she was bringing Renner to the upstairs bathroom to change him. Instead, she checked Vince's office to make sure he was still deep in conversation with Chris, and when she was assured she had enough time to make her getaway, Stephanie lifted Renner in his car seat and slipped out the front door, walking the short path to their vehicle. After pressing the button on the keyring to automatically unlock the doors, Stephanie placed Renner inside first, shushing him gently when he whimpered, and hooking his seat into the buckles. She shut his door, climbing into the driver's seat and starting the car up.

Leaving her parents' house felt like freedom. She had her son along for the ride, and they were free to enjoy a nice, quiet dinner in a place where they were actually wanted. If Chris couldn't appreciate who she was and wasn't willing to help her work out the kinks in her life, then she wasn't going to put in the effort to spend time around him, and especially not when he was trashing her behind her back, and to her own father, of all people. "Everything's okay, Renn," she said, traveling down the winding road and wondering how long it would take for anyone to notice they were missing. "We'll have a peaceful dinner together. Just you and me."

Linda grabbed the handle of the pot holding their three-cheese tortellini dinner and brought it to the sink, draining the boiling hot water, until the pasta was the only thing remaining. After replacing the pot on the stove, she checked on the garlic bread in the oven, determining it needed a couple more minutes to reach the preferred toasty, golden shade. With dinner nearly squared away, she glanced around, noting that she hadn't seen Stephanie for a while, nor had she heard the normal babbling noises that Renner usually let out. There was a likely chance that Stephanie had gone to find Chris and make up with him for their slight tiff, so she ignored the quiet settling in around her, going about her business as usual.

With silverware and plates in their proper spots, Linda brought each of the food dishes to the table and placed them down in the center, calling out to the entire household. "You can eat, everyone!" she projected. Linda returned to the kitchen sink to wash her hands and dried them with a paper towel, smiling when Chris strolled into the kitchen with Vince a short while later. "Did one of you get Stephanie?"

"I thought she would already be in here," Vince shrugged.

"Yeah, we didn't see her in the next room or anything," Chris noted. "Maybe she went upstairs to show Renner her old room, or to put him down for a nap. Should I check?"

"Yes, why don't you try that?" Linda said. Chris set off in search of Stephanie, jogging the entire way up the stairs and following the path that led him straight to her closed bedroom door. He knocked tentatively, not wanting to wake Renner if she had indeed placed him down for a nap. When that didn't work, he knocked a little louder, pressing his ear flat to the door.

"Steph, you in there, babe? We're all eating downstairs," he announced.

When he didn't receive any acknowledgment, he tried the doorknob, rotating the handle in a full circle and pushing his way inside. He was surprised to find the room empty, but the house was massive, and there were any number of rooms Stephanie could have retreated to with Renner. He closed the door and relied on his last resort for reaching any person in the home, no matter where they were: the intercom. Chris came to the central intercom at the summit of the stairs and pressed in the button that would allow his voice to be heard throughout the entire household.

"I'm not sure which room you're in, Steph, but we're all eating in the kitchen. If you've already made it to the kitchen by now, then please disregard this message," he joked, laughing at himself and releasing the button. By the time he descended the stairs and rejoined Vince and Linda, there was still no Stephanie or Renner to be found and, for the first time all day, he found himself genuinely overcome with panic. "They're still not here?"

"Not yet," Vince said, using a pair of tongs to place a portion of the fresh garden salad onto his plate. When he finished, Chris was still standing in the center of the kitchen, so he waved him over. "Come on and make your plate. She's probably just changing Renner's diaper, or trying to get him to sleep. I'm sure she'll be down here soon."

"She wasn't in her old room, though. Where else would she go?"

"This is Stephanie we're talking about," Vince reminded him. "There are 16 extra bedrooms upstairs, and I wouldn't put it past her to go into hiding in one of them, somewhere she knows we won't look. She might be having one of her moments, where she needs alone time."

"Right, and that's fine, but I'm worried about Renner, too," Chris said, swallowing thickly as he struggled to take in a full breath. "If she's not in a position where she can take care of him right this second, then I want to bring him down here so I can keep an eye on him," he explained, whirling back around and exiting the kitchen, as he called through the house for his wife. "Stephanie!" Efforts met with silence, he tried again. "Steph, can you please bring Renner down to me?"

After another minute without his missing family members surfacing, pure instinct took hold and drew Chris toward the front window, where he peeked out of the blinds and received a complete shock. He found the driveway empty, and his inner strength slipped away like a gust of wind through a cracked window, leaving him only a shell of his normal self. He leaned against the wall for balance, temples pulsating with each thumping pound of his heart. Discovering that Stephanie had slipped out of the house and taken their vehicle without telling anyone proved that her condition was making her erratic, and the thought of something bad happening to her, or Renner as a result, was too much to bear.

Before he could share that she was gone, Vince and Linda had come up behind him and followed his gaze out the window, seeing the missing vehicle for themselves. Vince was first to react. "She left without telling us?"

"I don't know what to do," Chris rushed out. He raked his fingers through his hair and grabbed onto a patch low on his head, clenching his fist around the strands as he tried to make sense of his uncertainty. "She's struggling with her emotions, and she's got Renner in that car. What if she's upset and not thinking rationally? There's no other reason she would leave without telling anyone."

"Guys?" Linda cut in.

"You never know," Vince said. "She might have just gone for a drive, to get some fresh air."

"Guys," Linda tried again.

"But that doesn't make sense. We came here together, and she never leaves this house when we're both over here without telling me where she's going. I know something's wrong. I can feel it," Chris remarked.

"Chris and Vince, over here _now_!" Linda snapped, extending her hand, clenched around a small notebook. Chris grabbed it at once, reading the written note aloud.

_Dearest Chris, _

_Not only do I have eyes that see really well, but my ears hear just the same. That's why you probably shouldn't be trashing me to my own dad when the door to his office isn't shut all the way. I'm so sorry that I've ruined your life by asking you to stay with me, instead of going on tour. I need you to help me through what has become the hardest phase of my life, but to hell with all that, right? You should have just gone on your tour and forgotten all about me, but you didn't, and now it's all my fault you're in danger of being kicked out of your band. Maybe you would be better off without me in your life at all._

_Also, you may have thought I wasn't smart enough to know the real reason the guys want you out of Fozzy, but I figured out for myself that it was because I asked you to miss the tour. I'm surprised you didn't think I was smart enough to figure that out on my own, but I was. It's nice to know how much you resent me and that you've basically been rooting for me to fail this whole time. I'm taking Renner to dinner with me so I can be out of your hair. Again, I'm sorry I've killed your pretty little dream and that you're going to lose everything, all because of me. I guess it's safe to say our honeymoon's over, huh?_

_Best regards, _

_Steph (The Life Ruiner)_


End file.
